Oh, I know this prison
very well. I read a book called “The
Bonds That Make Us Free” that talks about the psychology of self-deception. I have had multiple witnesses that this is
what is happening when we become angry.
Our emotions lie to us. We
rationalize and justify ourselves so that we appear to be right, needing no
repentance. Christ understood the whole
psychology of the matter, but instead of explaining the whole of the
complication, He simplified it and said “Agree with thine adversary
quickly…” He gave the solution without
getting stuck on the problem.
“What
are the character weaknesses that keep us in bondage?”
I think they are more exterior
behaviors than interior character flaws.
The temporary natural man is not who we really are eternally. If we say they are our weaknesses or a flaw
in our character then we are owning them and therefore holding them to us. If we say they are like barnacles on a whale,
then they are something that is not really us.
We do not own them but they are something outside of us that we must
learn to sluff off like old skin.
Yesterday I was talking to
a friend who teaches the classics to a group of youth. She told me how she made up victim cards for
them. The card says they are entitled to
blame, criticize, complain, and make excuses.
For 5 minutes every day they are given the card and allowed to be a
victim. Then she takes the card back and
they have class. If I understood correctly, when someone starts complaining or
making excuses she asks them if they need their victim card. Otherwise she holds them accountable and
helps them see the choices they do have, instead of feeling victim to others
choices that do not have control over.
I love the scene in the
movie “The Other Side of Heaven” when Elder Groberg has just lost their boat in
a storm and is trying to swim to safety.
I think in a conference talk, Elder Groberg spoke about this experience
and said that every time he started to complain or question why he had to go
through this he would start to drown. So
he decided to stop complaining and just swim.
I have found this to be true in so many cases in my life. The more I start to complain, the more I
start to drown in the circumstances of the moment. I have to put down my victim card and take
responsibility to get out of ‘the waiting place’ (from Dr Suess’s book “Oh the
Places We’ll Go”) to learn what choices I do have and what I CAN control. This is the way out.
Elder Groberg’s talk, Nov 1993 Ensign (not
the one about drowning and complaining)
Sometimes we pray for the strength to endure yet
resist the very things that would give us that strength. Too often we seek the
easy way, forgetting that strength comes from overcoming things that require us
to put forth more effort than we normally would be inclined to do.
How often do we not do more because we pray for wind and none comes? We
pray for good things and they don’t seem to happen, so we sit and wait and do
no more. We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for
inspiration and impressions to proceed in ways different from those we may
have thought of. On the boat, five men prayed, but only one heard and
acted. God does hear our prayers. God knows more than we do. He has infinitely
greater experience than we have. We should never stop moving because we think
our way is barred or the only door we can go through is closed.
No matter what our trials, we should never say, “It is enough.” Only God is
entitled to say that. Our responsibility is to ask, “What more can I do?” then
listen for the answer, and do it!
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