Memory on resentment? I just went through a cleansing process to
let go of resentment toward my brother.
I think I have now totally let it go, although I still have guilt from
having expressed my negative feelings to him.
He is hurt and offended and our relationship ruptured. I need to remember that I only have a 50%
choice in any relationship. The harvest
and fruits of the relationship can only be what effort and work that we both
put into it. With my brother, I was
holding onto a lot of resentment from our childhood. He teased me a lot. In combination with my low self-esteem it
hurt a lot. I recently wrote him a
letter to get it all out. I got feedback
from my Power Training friend on my thought process to try to understand why my
brother was offended. I was very
accusatory, scolding, and made him feel rejected. He just wants to feel love and accepted just
as I do. My friend helped me to see him
as the little boy he was, instead of the father-figure I had been hoping he
would be. I did need to write the letter
to get it out of me, but now I think giving it to him was the wrong thing. I have guilt when I hurt people. I have learned in order to help them grow
toward the Savoir, my job is to praise accept and validate them. I have also learned that it is very dangerous
to give unsolicited feedback. I still
don’t understand the process of how these things should be reconciled. I did have a healing experience in this
respect with another friend. She wanted
to heal the relationship too, maybe because of the love of another mutual
friend. Anyway with my brother I’m
pretty sure I was able to let it all go.
He was a little boy, and I was expecting him to be a man. He was hurt and needing love just as I did. I was expecting him to give what he had not
been given.
In the area of guilt: I have the most guilt when I hurt other
people and then when they will not forgive me.
This is an area of concern, but not an area within my control. It is not my choice. I need to give it to the Lord, after all that
I can do.
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