I have finished the inventory. It’s all there. I can’t think of anything else that I have
missed. I feel the details are too
personal to share, not because I’m trying to hide them but because I would not
want it to hurt anyone in my past.
I went through my list and realized that there are
a lot of things that others have done to hurt me and I have held onto
them. I never gave them to the
Savoir. I didn’t allow Him to heal
me. I can trust Him with it now, all
of it.
A couple thoughts from the inventory are:
- Love from siblings cannot replace the love and acceptance from
parents. I will spend more 1-on-1
time with my children. I will start
the habit now, become consistent and loyal to the relationship. Make it a time they look forward to and
know that they can count on. These
will safe-guard for the cross-roads of the teen-years. I will try testing
each of the love languages to see what matters to them. I will ask in prayer the “1 thing” I can
do now to develop the relationship.
- I see here all the wrongs that have been done to me and that I held resentment. I cannot change others actions but I can be meek, and let it go. I will return good for evil, and forgive – allowing Christ’s atonement to have power over me and others.
- The last and possibly most important thing that I saw was my choice in the whole matter. I was hurt by others, but because of my fear of not being accepted by others I created that reality. I chose it. Now I can see my responsibility in the whole of the circumstances and what I did to cause it. Now I am free.
I listen to Hilary Weeks: Just Let me Cry. I held this inventory in my hands as I poured
out my heart to my Heavenly Father, knowing He understands everything I cannot
say. I told him of all the pain others
have caused me, either knowing our unknowingly.
I showed Him all my dark corners and the hurt inside my heart. I gave it all to him. I know he understands. I know he is there.
I listened to Hilary Weeks: Take me there. I literally laid my papers down as if on an
Alter. I felt the angels standing in a
circle around me, giving their love and support so I could let this all
go. He answered back and took away the
entire burden. He is holding it and will
do as he sees fit with it. He knows my
whole heart and I hide nothing from Him.
He will do the best thing for everyone and help them learn too. I am finally at peace. The past truly casts no more shadows. (Hilary Weeks song) The past is now in the
past. It is finished. Now the only debt is my debt of gratitude.
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