"He did deliver me from bondage" p.93, day 1

“He did deliver me from bondage” p. 93, day 1

1 N 14:1

1 And it shall come to pass, that if the ^aGentiles shall hearken unto the Lamb of God in that day that he shall manifest himself unto them in word, and also in ^bpower, in very deed, unto the ^ctaking away of their ^dstumbling blocks—

What strikes me about this is the taking away of stumbling blocks.  I feel like I have been working my way through a swamp lately, or trying to move forward in a car with square wheels.  Getting my mission in motion is SO hard!  I am having to break through many comfort zones.  I have hope that once things are in motion the resistance will decrease, but at the same time I know the resistance will always be matched to my strength just as a weight lifter needs to increase his resistance to get stronger. 

No answers today, only questions…

 

As I was working in the kitchen this morning, the word “Arizona” triggered a guilty memory.   I used to have a friend who was very good to me.  For the 10 years of our friendship she accepted me and loved me when I felt like no one else did.  One of the ways she used to show me that she loved me was in giving gifts.  She gave me things all the time- birthdays Christmas and sometimes just because.  But gift giving is a very difficult thing for me I still have not worked through even to this day.  I was not raised with giving gifts (for birthdays or otherwise) because we were so poor.  Come to think of it- my best friend growing up also did the same thing.  In each case it seems that they gave and gave and gave without reciprocation until they had nothing left to give – then they walked away.  They might say it was other reasons.  I know it wasn’t really about the gifts per say, but about the reciprocation of love.  I was empty and did not know how to give.  I was broken and could not give love I had not received or believed was real from God. 

I am truly a different person today.  I may still have some of the same weaknesses, but at least I am learning to let go of some of my selfishness to be able to reciprocate the love that others give me.  I am seeing some results that others feel loved, and it is making all the difference.

So to these two amazing women, somewhere out there, please know that I am sincerely sorry.  I’m sorry that I didn’t love you as you loved me.  I’m sorry that I lived out of my victim-ness and reactive paradigms.  Please forgive me.  I love you.  The past doesn’t matter except what we can learn from it.  I love you.