10-14-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p.105, Day 4

10-14-11    “He did deliver me from bondage” p.105, Day 4

How do I bury my anger so I do not take it up again?  God still uses His anger but against wickedness.   I think it is more about temperance and not monotone niceness.  I was raised to think that it’s not ok to say anything negative ever, or to be angry.  We were all the time, but it carried with it a great amount of guilt.  The results were that I never learned to communicate my emotions.  I kept them all inside and didn’t know how to deal with them.  That with the combination of depression that runs in my family isolation became inevitable.  The past couple years I have been learning with my children through “Joy School”.  There is a part on emotions in there that has really help me understand a healthy way to deal with my emotions.  They said that you have to find a healthy way (meaning it doesn’t hurt anyone or anything) to get them out of you- like a steaming pot.  If the steam stays inside, it will explode.  It is a matter of channeling it in a healthy way that is important.  God does not want us to live isolated and alone.  I believe He wants me to live my life open and joyfully- joined with others in unity.  Yes, there will be times I get angry.  I’m not sure that will ever really go away.  But at least I don’t have to be reactive to my emotions.  I can temper them by taking them to the Lord and pondering my response.  I did have one idea while reading this that if I take the stimulus that makes me angry, write about it, find a way to deal with the reasons I get angry- then I may be able to find a way through acceptance to remove the stimulus of my anger. 

There is one person who has been on my mind that I need to apologize to.  I believe that the true purpose of repentance, personal and public, will reverse all the damage done through true forgiveness.  If we truly repent and receive forgiveness from God and man, then there is no more negative cycle for our actions.  Our pain is turned for our benefit.  Hopefully others will come to view us through the power of the Atonement to realize we are doing our best and forgive the rest.  But even if they don’t we can trust in the Lord and view ourselves that way, knowing that He will turn all our weaknesses into strengths.  Even if that means by trust alone, like Peter, who was made strong because of His weakness.  He still had his thorn in the flesh, but it made him depend on the Lord.  If we see ourselves through the power of the Atonement, I believe that others will eventually come to see us that way, by our choosing our actions –to be proactive and live as we believe – in stead of reacting to the way they may see us or feel about us.  And we too will see them through the power of the Atonement, so that forgiveness dominates our relationships.  Is not this loving God above all else, and loving our neighbor as ourselves?