My 12 Step Journal: 10/12/11

10-8-11 “Beauty for Ashes”, by Bruce C Hafen

http://lds.org/ensign/1990/04/beauty-for-ashes-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng

The Savior himself was not concerned that he would seem too forgiving or soft on sin. Said he, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. … For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28, 30.) He spoke these comforting words in the context of asking his followers to develop a love pure enough to extinguish hatred, lust, and anger. His yoke is easy—but he asks for all our hearts.

In an important sense, our judgment calls lead us to the tree of knowledge, just as Adam’s and Eve’s choice led them to that same tree. By confronting the sad or happy consequences of our choices, we can learn through our own experience, as they did, to distinguish the bitter from the sweet.

WOW!!!! I LOVE THAT TALK!!! That sums up the whole book “He did deliver me from bondage” in a nutshell! It is SO AWESOME!

I gained so much from it even after one reading.

When I was camping with my family last summer, I was talking to my sister about pain. I said that maybe that’s the definition of pain as the gap between what we have and what we want. This so beautifully describes that when we are ENDOWED with hope through grace that we can have hope in this place of the gap instead of pain because of we chose to have faith and not doubt. It is such a beautiful clarifying distinction.

I want to write more, but I have to go for today. More tomorrow…

10-7-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 103 cont. Step 7

“What is His will and pleasure? It is the same as His work and His glory – to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life.”

I think on a subconscious level at times or phases in my life I have wondered if God’s will and pleasure is not surely to ‘afflict and torment man’, as the weeds were placed on earth to do. When I kick against the pricks and fight against the will of God, surely it is more painful. I surprised myself the other day when I told my daughter, “Why do you persist in making your life harder than it has to be by insisting you have to have things you really don’t need?”

When I remember that He is my Father in Heaven; that He loves me, and that He wants me to be happy; that everything He is doing and leading me to is so that I can have eternal joy with Him and come Home—then the teenager in me is subdued and the child becomes trusting again. Life is sometimes painful, but I know I make it worse when I don’t trust Him.

“We can trust that that is what everything is for. We can trust Him and thank Him in all things.”

Sometimes my heart can reach this place but it is not yet constantly there.

p.104 “It’s not how many times we fall down that counts. It’s how many times we get up.”

I feel like this has been the story of my life. I am so thankful that somehow He has given me tenacity and a determined desire. Even though I don’t feel like I’m succeeding all the time, I know I’ll never give up. He gives me that power to keep going.

When I am pregnant, in the first trimester I don’t throw up. I just get nauseous all the time. Yesterday I just wanted sit down and wallow. I remember walking to the couch wanting to sit, but for some reason I turned around and went to do something. After I did, I realized I forgot about my nausea while I was doing it. It was a testimony to me that as I go to work in serving then I forget me own pains. I can either sit down to wallow and actually make them more noticeable, or I can go to work and forget them. “He that shall lose his life shall find it.”

I love what she says in the conclusion here, that Christ is the conclusion and the answer. I have received this witness too: that He is the beginning and the end, the end and the means, the Savoir of the world, and the Redeemer of all mankind. He is the answer to all our conflicts, problems, and small thinking. He is the light of the Word, and the life, the bread and water, alpha and omega, the sunshine and the rain. He gives us all that we stand in need of. He holds the solutions we need and is waiting for us to ask.

10-6-11 He did deliver me from bondage” Step 7, p. 95

I had a little victory yesterday after reading part of this chapter. I was able to work through morning chores with the children for an hour and “continue in patience”. Being pregnant, it seems to be harder to keep my emotions in check. Yesterday I remember gaining power from the thought of choosing to respond (respond righteously p.100) instead of choosing to react. I have all these crazy emotions on the inside, but I am trying to not react with them- Instead to respond with a tempered tongue. It’s the image I once heard of a duck that looks clam on the top of the water but is paddling like mad underneath. I also gained a lot of strength from choosing to believe that God will carry me (Hilary Weeks song.) I am practicing this with a quirky toilet I have that sometimes flushes and sometimes doesn’t. I am using it to practice my faith to know that God wants to help me and will change the elements to help me bring about my righteous desires. This is the perfect faith of the Stripling Sons who “did not doubt”. Every time I flush my toilet I get to practice holding firm to these thoughts. I know it sounds funny- a toilet and faith. But God is using these circumstances to teach me faith through living. The crazy thing is that my thoughts actually seem to effect the outcome of weather or not the toilet actually flushes. I try to ask the Spirit the thoughts I need to alter when it doesn’t’ work, or recognize that in a moment I doubted. It’s great practice as the consequences are not severe. (The toilet just fills up to the top of the rim and doesn’t overflow.) I used to think it was just annoying and wanted a new toilet, then I started using it to my advantage as I began to learn these things though Leslie Householder (Jackrabbit Factor author.)

Found this talk today. http://lds.org/new-era/2008/01/steadfast-and-immovable-always-abounding-in-good-works?lang=eng&query=stripling+warriors

It connects mission to steadfast and immovable faith. I memorized Helaman 5:12 scripture as motivated by Elder Scott in conference a couple days ago.

Listened to “He’ll Carry You” Hilary Weeks

10-4-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p.94, Day 7

Mosiah ch.7

King Limhi, son of a wicked man (Noah), awaits deliverance from the tyranny of the Lamenites.

V.15 shares his hope of deliverance & v.18 – many strugglings in vain but hope for deliverance.

Ammon was in prison for two days awaiting deliverance from potential death sentence.

v.16 He and his brethren suffer hunger thirst and fatigue wandering for 40 days to find this city

v.19 King Limhi directs the people’s attention to look to God & live

v.20 The King completely admits that it’s because of their iniquity that they are in bondage

How in the world did the son of a wicked man isolated in a city come to preach as a prophet? He quotes all sorts of scripture and it is apparent King Limhi has a fervent testimony, but where did it come from? This is after Abinadi had been killed by his own father. Had he simply read his scriptures? Where does Ammon and King Lamoni fit in? Isn’t this the same city?

When we are living our lives in a state of rebellion towards God, not seeking to live His will, we are not willing to ‘suffer according to his will and pleasure’. We do not trust that He is leading us to find happiness because we have not asked. We kick against the pricks and suffer many things needlessly – at least such has been my own experience. Once we decide to humbly approach the Lord and ask to be healed, it is our immature hope to be healed immediately. But He, knowing all things and knowing how to truly help us, allows us to learn slowly so that change is permanent from the inside out. He cannot ‘twinkle’ some things away, because we are the ones who have to decide to ‘cut and carve them out of us’. Oaks in a talk called Desire said, “If our righteous desires are sufficiently intense, they will motivate us to cut and carve ourselves free from addictions and other sinful pressures and priorities that prevent our eternal progress.” http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/desire?lang=eng&query=cut+carve+(name%3a"Dallin+H.+Oaks")

It is a strange balance when we approach the Lord for healing. He has the power to heal us, but we must do everything within our power in order to receive that grace.

I think it is a conditioning of our world today to seek “quick-fix” answers; to try to find a short-cut around the hard way; the real way. It’s just a part of our Automatic America of immediate gratification inventions that cause us to think in a way that waiting is impertinent. In the area of our health we seek to short-cut the truth with dieting fads or going to the doctor to get a pill that will ‘fix’ us. Yet, the law of health says that in order to be healthy we must eat healthy and exercise. But at every turn we are tying to find a short-cut or “some other way” so that we don’t have to pay the price. Jesus said that if we are in prison, we have to pay our utmost farthing. (Matt 5:26 & 3 N 12) We have to completely surrender our pride, all our knowing how to do it ourselves, all of I-have-to-do-it-my-way. We must lay all of that on the alter, and trust Him to do it His way. From my work in my Classroom Garden, I have been able to come to see life in a different way- the slow way. The way God works, but slow and almost imperceptible changes. “By small and simple means are great things brought to pass.” This is God’s way. If we are willing to submit to the process He will make us free.

I have seen His hand in my life; I have seen this happen to me. I am becoming changed; a new creature. I understand why Christ said to Nicodemus that a man must be born again in order to enter the Kingdom of God. This is not a catch-phrase. It describes a long process of development just as a baby in the womb. Our character is formed and changed as we submit to this process. It is not a step by step process of one arm being complete and then moving onto the leg. It is an all-in-one process of everything growing together in perfect union and balance. This is God’s way. We cannot will it to happen or even understand all the complexities. But I have seen it happen to me, and I know it’s real. And I know it can happen to you too, if you trust the process.

10-3-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p.94, Day 6

D&C 10:4

Do not run ^afaster or labor more than you have ^bstrength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be ^cdiligent unto the end.

I was curious about diligent, so I looked it up.

DILIGENT, a. [L.]

1. Steady in application to business; constant in effort or exertion to accomplish what is undertaken; assiduous; attentive; industrious; not idle or negligent; applied to persons.

It makes me think of a long-distance run where energy in the short term must be conserved and steadily applied so that there is energy left to get through the end. I guess the Lord wants us to live like the tortoise and not the hare. I have often been taken to extremism before and have tried diligently to temper this element in my character. It’s really hard for me to stop studying when time is up. I often have to remind myself that I can only put one drop of oil in each day. It seems like I don’t get very far, but over the long run consistent diligence is better than over diligence which will lead to fatigue, burn-out, and over exhaustion.

I have always been curious about motivations. In this verse the Lord says why the wicked men altered the Book of Lehi:

we will do this that we may not be ashamed in the end, and that we may get ^aglory of the world.

How sad. They lost an eternal reward that would last forever for one that would be like a lollypop, just because they refused to change. They lost the favor of God and eternal glory in exchange for the glory of the world, which in the end is really no reward at all. We are told in the scriptures that in the end will leave us alone and laugh at us. He is not a true friend and will leave us after he has used us. It’s really not worth it.

D&C 10:21 And their hearts are ^acorrupt, and ^bfull of wickedness and abominations; and they ^clove ^ddarkness rather than light, because their ^edeeds are evil; therefore they will not ask of me.

I can honestly answer no to her question. The Spirit has been leading me to learn how to “council with the Lord in all thy doing”…

· Alma 37:37

37 Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

· 2 Nephi 32:9

9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.

· Alma 37:36

36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

I’m not attempting to say that I’m perfect. I think the opposite is probably quite obvious. Just trying to liken this unto myself…

As this truth to council with the Lord in all my doings permeates through my whole soul, I have noticed there are many things that I forget to ask Him about. I guess this is just a line-upon-line thing and it takes time. I will look today for ways that I can “council” with Him more often, to ask for my specific need.