9-13-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 82, day 5

9-13-11                     “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 82, day 5

There is this evil little voice in the back of my head constantly trying to get me to seek glory for myself; to build myself up; or to try to sound profound.  It tries to get me to think in a way in my learning mentality that will “change them instead of me”.   I suppose it is trying to get me to not live my mission which is to “Change me, not them.”  There is no real influence in arrogance.  I’m sorry if this comes out sometimes.  I also am constantly fighting the temptation to think of myself as better, more advanced, or superior in any way to any of my heavenly brothers and sisters here on the earth.  I easily see my own desire of who I want to become and my reality in my heart is that person I see in my mind.  Then I have a double-standard to see others for who they are today.  I see their weaknesses or actions that are not becoming of who they truly are and I see them for who they are today.  This is not what I want.  I want to truly be Don Quixote.  I want to see others as I see myself: for the potential of their eternal selves. I am fighting against it, but I have not yet overcome it.  This seems to be one of my weapons of rebellion.  I pray for humility but it is slow to release me.  I will continue to seek and wait for deliverance.

I would rejoice if I could stop fighting against God; that if my every thought and every action were to glorify Him, and not myself.  I would that I could see all the ways I fight against Him, but I am blind.  He shows me only what I can change in today.  I want my life to be as the Savior’s was: to do the Father’s will not His own.

I know in seeking the Father’s will, it is truly what is best for us personally and completely.  Not only us individually on the micro-scale of our lives, but also on the macro-scale of how everyone’s lives weave together.  I know that living His will for us is truly what will help us to be happy.  Yes, I desire to lay down ALL my weapons of rebellion.  Someday I hope God will grant me victory.