2 N 4:31 “O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? … Wilt thou
make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?”
Thoughts I had never considered... The only real remission of our sins- a real change of desire – the removal of the
addiction because we now abhor what we used to crave. It brings to mind another scripture that
‘truly their hearts were changed’. Sometimes
in my rebellious ways, I like doing the wrong thing- like getting that feeling
of swearing like I was cool, or the psychological ‘kickers’ we get when we talk
about other people. There may be a
temporary high in doing the wrong, but surely it cannot last because
‘wickedness never was happiness’. Every
person who has ever taken a mind-altering drug into their bodies knows about
this type of high. Yet even while taking
it they know that they are going to have to come crashing down later. But later doesn’t matter because now we crave
the addiction.
Let me describe the kind of life that the Lord has
given me now that my heart is changed.
By no means do I mean to say that I have no more sins. I know there are, but I also know that I am
changing through grace as fast as I can, and that is all I can do. To some extent, I do feel that my heart has changed
and I have ‘no more desire to do evil’.
I am working on being focused in my time and my energy to live my
mission which is my small part in God’s great plan. I am focused on the solution and making
adjustments toward doing better. I no
longer abhor myself. There is no more
guilt. I can really say for the first
time in my life that I love myself and I love my life. I have never felt like this before. I feel like I am on fire in ‘doing many good
things to build up the kingdom of God
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