“What weakness do I hold
on to?”
This is so ironic!
I used to be so focused on the problem that I couldn’t see anything
else. Now I seem to be so focused on the
solution that I cannot see my weaknesses.
I really feel like God has given me a gift to have
good desires. I don’t have to work very
hard on that part. I pray for them and
they come as I work hoping they’ll come, and they do. I do have to work on the follow-through and
believing that I can solve problems.
Sometimes I just have to WILL myself to believe. Doubt comes so easy. I have to choose to put out the darkness and
decide I am going to believe.
Oh! I got
one! Growing up planning and problem
solving was really really hard for me. I
muttled through my problems doing the best I could cut lacked the desire or
capacity to go figure out something better.
I used to have good ideas and talk about doing nice things for others,
but when it came right down to it they didn’t get done because I lack follow-through. Well, yesterday I had a victory moment! Last Christmas I told my Mom that I wanted to
redo her bathroom. I had good
intentions, but it’s now September and nothing has been done. Well, I needed to borrow some money and she said I could work it off by doing the
bathroom. I’ve gotten slowly better at
planning and writing down what I need to do.
Recently I am gaining the follow through to actually DO the things I
plan on doing. So I had written in my
planner that yesterday I was going to call Home Depot to see how much renting a
wallpaper steamer is. I know it sounds
stupid and silly that this has been my block, but there is something in the
‘figure it out’ that I had not been able to conquer. I mean, how do you see how to do what you
have never done before? If there is no
one there to show you how, and if you don’t ask for help all you can do is
remain stuck- muddling through as best you can.
That’s what I used to do. But today, I changed and actually researched
the solutions. I did it! And then I got
online to see a ‘how to’ video which helped me see the tools I needed to bring
or buy. I now have a plan and feel
confidence that I can figure it out. I
know I cannot foresee everything. I have
a tendency to over-plan and never act.
So now I’m jumping in with my best foot forward. I know I’m going to make mistakes, and I get
to learn from those. It will be great.
This weakness also applies to the way I approach
meals in our home. I also do not enjoy
creating beauty in our home because I don’t want to stay here. Meal-time has been a mountain that I believed
I could not move for a long time. In
this I am still on survival mode. I
tolerate the existence of food because obviously we have to have it. I just have not learned yet how to enjoy
making it or eating it. This is where I
have to decide to conquer. The pain
grows the longer I procrastinate. I have
done some research and now it has come down to time to act. I have to try making new recipes, which I
really do not enjoy. My husband does and
I have gladly let him cook for 8 years.
But I also feel victim to his choices.
I am trying to get away from eating meat, and want to eat more fruits
and vegetables. He is still in the mode
of past thinking meat and potatoes. It’s
so hard to switch our brains to think differently. So really it’s up to me to change our food
habits. If I see it needs to be done,
then I have to be the one to do it. It
is wrong and puts unnecessary stress on our relationship to expect him to
follow-through with what I am want him to do.
He doesn’t see the need, I do. I
think he will be willing to change if I get into action.
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