I will no longer droop in sin. I have laid my heart open to God. I thought I wouldn’t be able to be open to
see all my sins at once. I thought that
I had to grow in maturity (p. 68).
Speaking of the ‘the phenomenon of denial’ she says:
“Denial is a coping
mechanism that we use when we are physically, emotionally and spiritually too
immature, too small and too childish to see an honest way out of our
situation. We resort to it when we
thought we were disconnected from the loving protection and guidance of God’s
power, and we didn’t know any other way to get through than to pretend, to
deny, to lie to ourselves and others.”
When I read this it hit me square between the
eyes. I felt like a child: that if God
would hold my hand I could be brave enough to see all my sins at once. I do want to be clean truly and deeply; every
whit.
p.69 “That’s because weaknesses are weaknesses
only until they are turned into strengths, and sins are only sins until they
become the stepping stones upon which we learn, repent and mount to godhood. Sin… is part of the Father’s plan. Our mistakes can be our greatest benefactors,
as soon as we allow them to be our greatest teachers.”
I think it has taken me 37 years of my life (all of
my life to this point) to become humble enough to learn. I have had this feeling the last couple of
days that I need to learn more intently from the Spirit in the way described
here. I have felt this determination to
take all the garbage Satan gives to me and use it against him for my gain and
his destruction. This is my answer. I need to record more what is happening so I
can look at it objectively, now that I’m really honest with myself enough so
that I can. There is something very
liberating in the acceptance process: to accept my current reality and figure
out exactly what I need to do to change me to be able to create my desired
reality. You can’t know how to get to
where you want to go until you know exactly where you are.
Side note: By the way I think I should say that I
read in “As a man thinketh” the other day in the introduction that he said ‘it
is suggestive rather than explanatory. I
think in my writing in the past I have been explanatory, assuming I have
something to teach (when I really have not yet learned). We each learn our own lessons from God. That is the only true way these lessons can
be written on our hearts, through the Spirit.
In the future my writings will be more to myself, for myself, and less
explanatory. It will require translation
through the Spirit if anyone else is to learn anything from them.
Note to author Coleen Harrison:
I LOVE THIS BOOK! ! ! I love hearing her views of the scriptures
and how to apply them in my thinking. I
feel inside that I am changing, and this change of the heart will change the
way I do everything I do. I have yearned
for this. Thank you for helping me to
find this real change from the inside out.
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