You may not
understand this, but I have to try to share it with you anyway. I have no words to describe the change of
events that occurred in my mind and heart yesterday. Last night as I went to sleep I imagined
burying my old dead self. It is dead and
gone. I literally saw my skin from the
outside of my body piled in a wrinkled heap on the ground.
Elements of thought in the balance:
I have been working on creating my house of order
for over two years now. It has been my
focus of time and energy. This week I
climbed the proverbial mountain of abundance and realized that all I want in my
house is everything I need, and nothing I don’t. I learned a couple months ago that having
anything more than what I need is a burden.
When I give my excess and burden away it becomes someone else’s
blessing. I love the line on the movie little
women when after the old aunt has died they are looking at her house and the
inheritance she left to Jo. The wise
Mother says, “The house became a burden because she didn’t share it.” Shortly after this, Jo gains her vision to
turn it into a school and share it with open arms.
So this week something in me clicked. The amazing part is that Josh feels it too;
we are shoulder to shoulder and eye to eye in realizing all the ‘stuff/junk’ we
have that we don’t need and we don’t use.
We just store it, and it’s a heavy burden. This week we have been getting rid of stuff
in preparation for a community “Free Bay
Another element:
Yesterday morning I was heavy into self analysis. I had been asking my friend from Power Training for feedback on my
family. Her words sunk deep into my
heart and I was praying, like the Nephites, to be able to understand all her
words for I felt there was much that I could not. I feel I have finally come to a place where I
can accept me for me right where I am because I can only do is all I can do in
this moment, and that is enough. Through
my friend at Power Training I learned to accept others right where they are too, though I still have
so far to go. At least it’s a
beginning… I came to see my brother as
the little boy he was when we were kids, not the father-figure I had been
hoping him to be. I let it go. It’s done and gone.
With my friend from Power Training she said I had been trying too hard with
my family, and to just accept love and praise them and let relationships
develop naturally. Well, with my
background of lacking of examples in how to develop relationships, there was
nothing natural about it. So I was
trying my hardest and it was too much: it was beyond the mark. All of my life I have been focused on the
problem. That part of me is now dead. I will focus on my vision, which is the
antidote solution to the problem!
Another element:
I have been working on for the past year or more getting my body free
and clean of toxins. I have been slowly
increasing and learning how to eat healthy.
I have continually been pushing upstream to exercise my body since
Spencer was 6 months old. I have learned
much of discipline and learning to focus my balance around my center, Jesus
Christ. The past few weeks I have been
starting Dr Christopher’s extended herbal cleanse. Yesterday I felt my body releasing some old
junk. I feel my body getting cleaned from
the inside out.
Another thing swirling around in my head, possibly
the catalyst of all this, is Leslie Householder’s “Jackrabbit Factor” ideas of
faith to bring the miracles and the Vision Board stuff from Kirk Duncan. This is right for me because the Lord led
me to it now at this time in my life.
I am ready to finally understand this because of all the days of
preparation before today. Last night I
watched Leslie’s “Stick People” presentation.
I truly feel like I have broken through a barrier!!!
Last night I wept to my Father in Heaven for
allowing me to become changed. My heart
is now still overflowing (and my eyes too) with gratitude for the new me:
partly by will and partly by grace. It
is faith; it is the harvest.
Then this morning as I am reading in “He Did
Deliver Me From Bondage” (Bottom of p.46) I read this:
“Christ says, “Give me
All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of
your work: I want you. I have not come
to torment your natural self, but to kill it.
No half-measures are any good. I
don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the
whole tree down… Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you
think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked – the whole outfit. I will give you a Myself: my own will shall
become yours,” (Elder Robert L Backman, quoting C S Lewis, Ensign, Nov 1991,
p.10)
From this day on I promise myself and God that I
will focus on the solution, I will put in my mind on my mental movie screen the
image of what I want to create for my life and work toward it through
faith. I will no longer focus on the
problems and everything that is wrong with me.
I will no longer succumb to the temptations of Satan to believe that
others don’t love me or that I have little value. THROUGH THIS FAITH I WILL BIND AND CAST OUT
THE POWERS OF EVIL IN MY LIFE FOREVER!
NEVERMORE WILL I ALLOW HIM TO PULL ME DOWN. I WILL PUT MY TRUST IN JESUS CHRIST FOREVER.
Step 3 transformation complete: DONE! And still working on it =)
Kirk Duncan
Am I ACTING like “do you want me” in a needy way repels- takes life
Or “This is what I can
do for you.” Confidence leads & guides- gives life
“I love my life.
I have worked hard to create the space around me that I love.”
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