12-12-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 148

12-12-11    “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 148

(Hel 3:35)  I fasted and prayed yesterday.  I feel there is something the Lord needs to tell me but I am not prepared to receive it.  I wanted to fast to prepare myself.  I have asked to know what I need to do and am still waiting for my answer.  There was no unusual experiences yesterday.  I am praying for my ‘eyes’ to be opened so that I can see the path I need to take so I can make a Master plan for our education in the next 10 year tunnel (like an obstacle course).  I do feel like that because I fasted that  the door is opened.  I am still waiting for … something.   Sometimes in my reaching seems I want to know the end from the beginning…  Yet I know that He will give me just what I need for right now.  I need to learn to trust that more.  Perhaps when I come across the sources or scriptures I need I will now be prepared to understand them.

Hum.  This is interesting:

“It isn’t the events of this life that make it a trial, a confusing mystery; it’s having our “faces covered.”  The obstacles on this course don’t make us stumble, fall, crash, and burn, over and over—it’s trying to negotiate the course blindfolded that does it.”

Wow.  How appropriate this is for exactly where I am right now.  I love the analogy of ‘stumbling around half-asleep’.  Can you imagine how dangerous and likely fatal that would be to be going through a Hercules-type obstacle course asleep, or even half asleep? 

“…will never lack for what to do…”    (Alma 32)  Maybe I do know what to do.  It’s not as bright as I’d like it to be but that’s the whole point.  If I knew the end from the beginning then I wouldn’t have to have faith that the next step was leading me in the right direction.  Maybe it’s like Hilary Week’s song “More like a Whisper”.  Maybe I just need to trust that the Holy Ghost will fill my mouth in the ‘very moment’ of need and He will tell me ‘all things I need to do’ when I need to do them.  It IS wisdom in God.  I DO tend to get overwhelmed quite easily.  It is His mercy that gives me just what I need when I need it, and withholds all the ‘manna’ needed to travel 40 years.  Could you imagine trying to pack food as a wanderer in the wilderness, enough for 40 years?  It is mercy and grace that gives me just what I need when I need it. 

2N 32:9

But behold, I say unto you that ye must ^apray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall ^bpray unto the Father in the ^cname of Christ, that he will ^dconsecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the ^ewelfare of thy soul.

I think this describes articulately where I’m at.  I just want to make sure I am doing HIS will and not mine alone.  Maybe they are unified enough now that it’s becoming hard to tell the difference, at least in the big things.  I see gross errors in the little things day to day.  I sometimes abhor my own actions, but then I try to remember to pray for strength and trust in the Atonement.  God is Good!

I have same that feeling of Simple in the book of “The Dream Giver” when after he has a victory and he wanted to build a monument in memory of the goodness of The Dream Giver.  I want to give glory to God and shout His praises.