12-17-11
“He did deliver me from bondage”
p.155
“Revelation seldom brings
popularity…
This fear of other people’s opinion
or choices is the phenomenon currently known as ‘codependency.’ “
Hum.
I never understood that before. I
thought codependency was… well I can’t really explain it but this is such a
great definition! I have studied CS
Lewis “The Inner Ring” and I believe these are one in the same, but he never
connected it to codependency. That is so
cool.
I
once heard of a woman who was gaining great popularity from her
revelations. She would get up in the
morning and ‘write pages and pages’ of things she learned in the night. While this is all fine and well and a common
element in the path of learning to communicate with the Spirit and find our
personal mission, the fact that I was hearing this story disturbed me. They made it sound so mystical and
‘ooo-ing’. I wondered at her motivations
in telling others of her revelations and hoped for her that she didn’t loose
them because she was may be seeking popularity in receiving them.
I
have often found that the path of discipleship and learning to be obedient to
the Spirit will in fact intentionally lead us and test us to do things that
would make us ‘unpopular’ in the eyes of some.
In my path, this has been part of my test of obedience to see if I ‘fear
God or man’. I have been led to do
things that have tested my heart directly to let go of this codependency.
I
agree with her that it is the strongest in families. The funny thing I find is that as I change
how I see myself I change this. But when
I get around those people from my past, when I saw myself as something less,
then my psyche starts to reshape and conform to my old self. I remember the feelings I used to have about
myself when I see them. Like yesterday,
we went to see someone I have not seen in 5 years: Teren delivery Doctor. Teren turned 5 years old a few weeks ago and
for her birthday we were telling her the story of her birth. When we told her ‘after you finally decided
to come out, you came out so fast the Doctor couldn’t get his shirt on fast
enough and Daddy had to catch you’ she decided that we had to meet this
man. It was fun to see him because he is
such an amazing man, so enthusiastic, but it reminded me of the way I used to
feel about myself when I saw him 5 years ago.
It helped me to realize how much I have changed.
One
way that I overcame this with a friend I recently became reacquainted with was
that I told her,
‘when
you last saw me, it was in my previous life’.
It really does feel like a dream when I think of who I was when I saw
her last. With her I have transformed my
interactions with her. It’s not always
that easy. I guess maybe it depends on
how strong this codependency is. With my
immediate family it is the strongest.
My
sister once explained changing this process, something she read from a
psychology book, to be like a partner dance.
Two people in a family relationship get used to dancing the same old
routine and reacting to the other in the usual ways (this is all
unconsciously). Then if one of you
decides to change the dance routine it upsets the dance because the other one
no longer knows ‘the steps’. They feel
out of sync because you have changed and it takes them a while to adjust to the
new dance. It is especially hard because
the natural man detests ‘change’, even if it does lead to a better end. The natural man would rather say sitting back
comfortable and cozy. It is not as
painful as I once thought it would be to get uncomfortable and change me. I find that ‘sitting back’ is really the lie
and keeps me from becoming who I want to be.
Now I want more to change and become like my Savoir than I want
to stay comfortable.
‘even if in response they choose
to become angry or detach themselves from us.’
I
have pondered much on the ‘separation’ of my family. I have always wanted us to be closer, but
recently I have come to understand the necessity of the separation. With so many ‘evil traditions’ that we were
handed down, we each have separated ourselves to different degrees in order to
overcome this codependency- it almost
has been necessary for each of us to be separated from each other in order to
find our own way in our new lives. It is
painful to me, but I have hope that one day we will be reunited in Christ after
we each have found healing in Him.
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