“I believe that each of us in our
own way, with our own unique talents, will awaken to the desire to participate
in this great effort to help others come to Him and acknowledge His complete
supremacy.”
This
is another quality that ‘seems to be common to us all’. This is part of the pattern of
discipleship. After He has filled our
cup, we give freely.
“It might give our closest loved
ones some much-needed space in which to practice their own moral agency.”
I
still don’t know for sure where this line is.
I want to, desperately, but in my heart I don’t ‘own it’ like I know the
law of the harvest or the principles of opposition or work. What must I do to understand this? What must I change? I want to see the truth and allow others this
space, but continually in my actions I observe myself stepping over the
line. It’s so much easier to see this in
my past actions, but from what I’ve learned in the past that means it is in my
current actions-- only I can’t see it because I am blinded to it. I feel like I’ve grown so much and that I
should have already learned this… but
maybe it’s like charity as the final crown.
I am pleading and praying and I know God will guide me to come to
know. He will. He has in the past time and time again, and
He will in the future. That I do
know.
2N
8:11 Can I change the last of this scripture to
promise me that control and anger shall flee away? This is what I want- to sing
everlasting joy in Zion
“The dreadful abuse my children
lived with from both their parents had ended, and a gradual but steady healing
is taking place.”
I
wish I could say the same. I feel like
now I have learned much, but I still must go and apply ‘in all areas of my
life’ so that I can own in truth what I have learned in theory.
[1-19-12 It has now been a couple weeks since I wrote
this, and since then I have seen evidences of this promise coming true. I am learning to control myself and good ways
to lead and enlist the obedience of my children. I don’t say so in order to say that I have it
all figured out now, but only to celebrate the small victories that we all need
to remember to look for every day.]
p.172 I love this last full paragraph on this page.
(It starts with “I tried it.”)
Especially her prayer,
“Lord, I’m being so tempted to
feel…, or think…, or do… I have no hope but Thee. O Jesus, Thou Son of God, deliver me! Father, apply the Atoning power of Thy Son.”
I’ve
realized more and more lately that I am going to have to do this in writing--
to write down all the negative voices to bleed and clean them out. [As in Kirk Duncan’s dark dot voices.] I just haven’t yet been able to recognize the
temptation in the ‘very moment’ it comes.
I recognized the feeling that comes as a result, but the thoughts are
currently obscure to me. I supposed this
is part of the gift of discernment I must pray for.
I
must add my witness to one point here to build on this idea of thoughts that
tempt us. She said that she thought she
was a bad person if she had a bad thought, but she learned that this idea was a
lie. I totally agree. I have felt that too. She also said that she believes we ‘can’t
just eliminate them’. I’m not sure I
agree with this. If we, like Christ, are
to ‘overcome the world’ and bind Satan with our faith in Jesus Christ, then will
we not eventually overcome these dark thoughts and eliminate them? It will take work, but I believe it will
happen. One added truth I have learned
beyond what she is talking about here is from Kirk Duncan about the dark Dot
Voices. I truly believe that these come
from a source OUTSIDE of ‘self’ and not from within ‘self’. There are minions of the adversary around us
who whisper lies into our spiritual ears, and if we are not aware of their
influence then we are under their influence.
I realized this one day as I was coming home from church. I had been struggling with a negative belief
about myself that ‘I was judgmental’- that it was a weakness that I owned. As I was driving out of the church parking
lot when I had a judgmental thought go through my head about someone who
happened to be coming out of the building.
I brushed it off, ignored it (resisted it existed as she says) and kept
going. After I resisted this temptation
to entertain this thought, on my way home while thinking about Kirk Duncan’s
work, I realized that the thought did not originate from within me; it was not
mine. It was from a dark dot voice. And if it came from a source outside of me,
then it was not in me and I was not the one who was judgmental. It was a temptation I had succumbed to, but
it was not from inside me. It was no
longer mine! The lights went on and I
realized truth and no longer owned the sin of ‘being judgmental’. It changed completely how I saw myself and my
‘weaknesses’. I know if we turn to God
in every moment of temptation, we can be delivered. I am just trying to recognize that
moment…
“When I first began to practice
soberness, I would often be challenged by another human being who was filled
with fear, anger, resentment, etcetera; sometimes, before I knew it, [and then]
I was staggering “drunk” again… Do you want some too? And I would succumb.”
This
is exactly my problem with one of my children!
I didn’t recognize it until she said this, but wow! I feel like I need to start these 12 steps
all over again. This is SO me. I don’t feel like they are in my heart enough
to be able to practice all of them all of the time, or even one
moment at a time. I can do one at a
time. Maybe as I start again, I will
think of snowballing instead of doing them individually one step at a time.
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