1-8-12
“He did deliver me from
bondage” p.177
I
have also been dreading this goodbye. I
like her words that goodbye means God be with you.
p.178 This part about self-help seminars and
self-affirmations is interesting to me.
I have struggled a lot in my mind about this idea as someone who wants
to give seminars. I like how she says
it, “They are good as far as they go, but they do not go far enough.” That is SO true! It seems like all we ever do is talk about
principles and talk about learning, but we are missing the application. I have been searching for my next step and
what I need to do to get the Garden School
Assignments
for the rest of my life:
1- Capture one scripture every day and make it my own. (The LEARN step) This sound awesome. I knew this wasn’t going to be ‘goodbye’. I will keep capturing and working to remember these principles. The biggest thing I think this does for me is that it puts into perspective how I see myself. I have learned recently that I will not live my public mission through being ‘great wonderful and perfect’-looking and being ‘all that’- because my pride cannot handle it and I would succumb to the temptation to lift myself up to self-elevation. For me, I must learn to live my public mission through this first sphere of personal victory- through being a student. I feel like it is part of my mission to use my struggles to help others overcome theirs. I am reminded of Anne Lamott in her documentary Bird by Bird. She is so real; so honest. I want to be like that and let go of all the things I think I have to do because of my perfectionism addiction or because of the game of the Inner Ring. It will be an interesting challenge that will keep me engaged- for the rest of my life
1- Capture one scripture every day and make it my own. (The LEARN step) This sound awesome. I knew this wasn’t going to be ‘goodbye’. I will keep capturing and working to remember these principles. The biggest thing I think this does for me is that it puts into perspective how I see myself. I have learned recently that I will not live my public mission through being ‘great wonderful and perfect’-looking and being ‘all that’- because my pride cannot handle it and I would succumb to the temptation to lift myself up to self-elevation. For me, I must learn to live my public mission through this first sphere of personal victory- through being a student. I feel like it is part of my mission to use my struggles to help others overcome theirs. I am reminded of Anne Lamott in her documentary Bird by Bird. She is so real; so honest. I want to be like that and let go of all the things I think I have to do because of my perfectionism addiction or because of the game of the Inner Ring. It will be an interesting challenge that will keep me engaged- for the rest of my life
2-
Continuous prayer to learn ‘all things what so ever I should do’. I guess this is the Ask step? I have been learning to do this more. The other day when I wrote about taking Jesus
with me throughout the house after I say my prayers in the bedroom, I have been
asking the Spirit how to do this and how to solve my challenges with the
children. I really feel Him help me
learning how to think through them. He
is helping me learn how to apply this new Accountable Kids program that I have
started. In the past I think I have used
the idea of ‘continual prayer’ for a continual plea for help, but I am
realizing more and more that the power lies within me and not only in
Him-- now that I have been changed and ‘God is with me’. I have to ASK so I can learn how to figure
out my challenges so that I can grow enough to overcome them. Every step I get stronger and the amount of
resistance increases to keep me in the learning zone, because too much or too
little will not help me grow, and that’s what my heart longs for. Amazingly enough this process of learning to
apply this is not only helping me learn to apply what the Spirit is teaching
me, but also giving me the tools I need to be able to gain control over myself
and help my family in a loving way, while at the same time learning to let go
of the things or people I cannot control.
It is a miracle to me the way the Lord leads my life to find the tools
like this book and this program to help me learn to apply the gospel in my
life. I know it’s sad to say, but I just
wasn’t getting it from the scriptures.
Now that I have these tools, I can see how the scriptures mean more to
me. I think that is a great sign of
success for any program: if it leads others to find more meaning in the
scriptures.
3-
Covenants- Remember weekly through the Sacrament my baptismal covenant, go to
the temple ‘often’ (weekly if possible) to Seek from the Lord how to build my ship. Hum. I
was just noticed in my head I was thinking of excuses why I couldn’t go
weekly. That’s interesting. I think if I wanted to do this bad enough
that I could figure out a way to make it happen. I have had young nursing babies almost
continuously for the past 8 years that it has been a challenge to get to the
temple monthly. We live 70 miles from a
temple so we usually go as a family for the weekend when my husband has the
time off. I have felt powerless (like a
victim) because I have not taken this by the throat to demand from life what it
is that I want and need. I have a friend
who goes weekly, a couple of friends actually.
I could get rides if I tried. I
have another friend who I think may be willing to baby-sit the kids, but I feel
like ‘weekly’ is a really big commitment, especially at this time… it’s all fluff. I could make this happen. It’s as Patrick Henry said in his ‘Give me Liberty
4-
Personal revelation through journal keeping- this is so true for me. It’s almost like I can’t think or hear what
the Spirit is telling me until I use my fingers to write it down. This journaling is critical for me. I was just telling my husband that I can’t
think without writing. I need it and I
believe it needs me too. I love what she
said, “We all have the ability to write by the Spirit of revelation.” If that’s true then it means this is possible
regardless of religion, or membership status.
I love how this levels the playing field. If we all have the ability to do it, then it
is up to each of us to ‘apply unto thy gift’ so that we can grow it through the
principle of WORK! Love it!
What
need I say more. Her words are perfect
for the occasion:
“Well, I guess that is it for
now. Thanks for blessing my life with
your love of the Lord. I hope the
blessing has been mutual. One more time:
I love you.”
I
have been realizing lately that I have a fear or a block of expressing the love
that I feel for others. I had the
thought last time I taught a lesson in Gospel Doctrine that I needed to share
my love for them, then after the lesson was over I realized I forgot to do it. So in the name of ‘facing up to your problems
what ever they are’ (Dr Suess- “Oh, The Places You’ll Go) I want to share my
love with you.
It’s
so difficult for me to explain this feeling I have inside me, or why I feel
this way. The only thing I can think of
is that it is a pre-mortal longing… that I want to come to know those who I
knew before. Tears are streaming down my
face now as I sit here trying to face up to this challenge of sharing my feelings
and my love for you with you. I love you
as Don Quixote loves Dulcinea: pure and deep with love from a far. I love you without knowing how or why. (Poem from Patch Adams ) I love you more than I have words to express,
and this is just one of those times when words just aren’t enough. It is a collective love for all mankind that
fills my heart with longing for you to know the Savoir. I pray that the Spirit will carry the truth
of this message to your heart to bridge the gap of what I cannot even partially
explain.
When
I was a little girl, I remember gazing out of my bedroom window thinking of all
the people ‘out there’, and for some unexplainable reason I felt a longing to
know them and be close to them. That
desire grew to form a bud four years ago when I prayed to know what I could do
to help be a part of the solution with the challenges we face as a nation. Where some may give permission at this point
to be forgotten, as my mission in life I desire to travel with you. I want to know you. I want to know what burdens you carry and
what you struggle with. I know I cannot
do everything, nor would it be prudent for me to do so. But I do want to do something. I want to help you lift your burdens and help
you find solutions to your struggles. I
know I do not know the answers to all the lessons, but I have learned some of
my own lessons that may be able to help you learn your own. Your challenges are your responsibility, just
as mine belong to me. We have them so
that we can learn to grow from them. What
lessons I have not learned yet you may be able help me learn. I know you have to find your own answers
inside of you. I hope to help you by
showing you the pattern that I have seen in the way that I have learned. I believe I do not see it fully yet because
my own personal experiences offer only the suspicion of a theory, but together
with you and your experiences I believe I can define the pattern and clarify
the path for others to travel on after us.
As for my part I want to be transparent so that you can see the Savoir
through me, and at the same time reflective so that I can shine with His light
and power.
I
want to leave you with one final story that reminds me of my love for you in
your struggles. One day I was watching Spirit
the stallion horse trying to find a message that would inspire others. I had not yet learned the lesson that in
order to inspire others we must first be inspired, and that to change the world
I must first change myself, but that’s entirely beside the point. As I watched the movie a couple times I was
inspired to see that the story of Cimarron the Stallion horse as the story of
the American people going through growth, struggles, bondage, and freedom. The point is that it deepened my love for
you, and ignited my belief in you. In my
study of history I have seen the struggles and slavery of the American people,
and I realize we are headed in that direction again if we do not change
collectively. But even though Spirit the
stallion horse was caught under the oppression of tyranny and even gave up for
a time, he finally found the courage to fight back, and he again won his
freedom. I believe such will be true of
us. I pray that our struggles will turn
us once again toward the light of the Son, that we will remember God and
publicly and privately choose to live the 10 commandments so that we can have
peace and prosper as a nation. I have
faith in Elder Eyring’s words that when the Savoir returns we will be prepared
as a people to receive Him having established Zion
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