1-6-12
“He did deliver me from
bondage” p.175
The
thought of ‘conscious contact with God’ is jumping out at me today. I don’t think I am doing this throughout the
day as a Mother. It’s like I say my
prayers in my room and then leave God there while I go about my chores
elsewhere in the house. I need to ask
Him to go with me so I can stay ‘sober’ by having this conscious continuous
contact with Him. Elder Corbridge said
that “everything depends on getting and keeping the gift of the Holy Ghost in
our lives; everything depends on that.”
I believe that is true. My power
to stay sober will depend on my ability to get and keep the gift of the Holy
Ghost in my thoughts, words, and actions.
There
are many things I need to learn to let go of to let go of, especially my
addiction to perfectionism. Now that I have
realized that the addiction is to perfectionism and not the resulting anger, I
feel I need to start this process all over again. It has helped me grow so much. Maybe I can take it with me and add in and
apply my parenting course to these studies somehow.
p. 176 “And this zealousness, this enthusiasm (the
root entheos derives from the Greek expression meaning “God in us”), will not
leave us, even thought life might go on to administer more “wounds”.
Wow
!!! I love this. Once in my past I had associated a bad
connotation to the word zeal because I was referred to a talk called “Zeal
without Knowledge”. I took it too
personally at the time. Certainly zeal
without knowledge is like a wild water hose spraying wildly on full blast, but
also knowledge will never be gained without the zeal to seek it. I realized in reading this that I do have
zeal. I feel an incredible desire to
reach and learn. I think it may be the
same feeling that drove Abraham Lincoln to take books into the field, or that
drove Thomas Jefferson to study 15 hours a day.
Who knows what we can or will each become in 25 years? Is it not possible that with the Lord we too
can do great things? They were just
living their missions, just like God has asked each one of us to live ours. They heard the call and did the work He asked
of them. I believe if we do the same
that the ripple effect created by God will be all that it needs to be to
glorify Him with our lives, and to me that’s all that matters.
On
this paragraph I also find it interesting with her use of the word
‘administer’. It seems that inflict
would be more appropriate. But actually that
seems to create a victim. If wounds are
administered then they are intentionally and carefully placed. I am going through what seems to be a strange
phase in my learning right now where the things that I suffer seem to become
more insufferable every day. I am
becoming more and more impatient with all the extra stuff in my home that I
don’t need that bogs me down. I am
creating more conflict in my home with the purpose of laying down rules and
establishing order, but it is a period of chaos that will create order. Somehow I must decide to just keep walking
forward doing the right thing for the right reasons and let them come
along. Creating this contention is very
hard for me because in my heart I want to be a peacemaker and have everything
be nice and sweet all the time… but that is not reality, especially not my
reality. Even though I am not excited
about it, I think this may be the only path we can take in order to get out of
this addiction and this ‘tradition of our fathers’.
It
seems that every year when I go to the Clark County Fair, I learn some amazing
life lesson. For some reason it seems to
be a time of testing for me to see if I am going to keep going in life
regardless of the resistance I encounter.
This last year my husband decided he wasn’t going to go and I had
pre-purchased tickets for the kids to go on the rides. I was committed and didn’t want to waste the
money. I tried to get some help but
nothing panned out. I ended up going
into the fair with 4 kids under 6 years old, by myself, in the cold after the
snow (yes snow here in Overton seems to happen once every 4 or 5 years). I was determined to find a way to make it
work, and we did it, happily even. It
was a test of my attitude, and this time I passed.
The
year before that was another story. I did
not want to be there and felt obligated (victimized) to go for other people’s
reasons. I felt like a victim in many
areas of my life. I remember getting out
of the car trying to keep from loosing my temper, getting the kids loaded into
a wagon. Every one was fighting and
everything was going wrong. As I was
walking from the last row of cars about a mile out pulling the wagon on the
dirt parking lot, I had to keep stopping to take care of something with one of
the kids or to stop a fight. Something
snapped in me and I realized that either I could stay there in the parking lot
trying to fix problems, or I could keep on going through chaos to reach our
destination. Progress is too critical to
me so I decided to keep going even though everything seems to be going
wrong. The Spirit has brought back that
experience to my mind many different times when I am tying to decide to fix
problems or move forward toward my vision.
The thing that I keep learning is that it is pointless to try to fix
endless problems, but there is a lot of value in fixing problems that remove
road blocks in the path toward our vision.
Hum. I just had a cool little epiphany. To put into perspective how to describe the
vision of the Garden School
Wow,
I have been praying for this for so long.
I think the seedling if finally beginning to break through the surface
of the ground. I’m so glad I took the
time to write it down.
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