Summary of Step 1

STEP 1, BOOK

I’m not sure weather my ‘anger addiction’ is really an addiction.  I have dealt with addiction in the past.  This offers no euphoria or escape from reality.  I find no pleasure in it.  I am certain, however, that it is a trap; my prison: and that I am powerless to escape it without complete and total reliance on my Savoir.  I have believed for so many years I am a victim and have waited.  There is part of the work required of me that I did not believe I was capable of acting on.  Now that I have found the door of my prison, I see that even though I hold the keys in my hand, He has to show me how to use the key.  He is my deliverer.  There is no escape without His might.  He is mighty to save and has all power to snatch me from the bottomless pit.   But weather or not it would be called an addiction; I feel the prompting of the Spirit that this is the process I need to go through to get out. 

6-20-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p.14, day 7

Moses 1:10

I read this yesterday but did not get to write.  I have thought about this with Moses: Why did he feel that man was nothing?  I must admit it has me perplexed.  The only thing I can come up with is that maybe after seeing some of the works of the Almighty that he realized the greatness of God’s power and the puniness of man’s power.  But to say that man is nothing is removes man from their role as God’s most precious of all His creations.  We are His work and His glory; his joy and where all His deepest hopes lie.  We are not nothing to Him.  We are precious to Him.  Maybe the difference lies in how the word nothing is used.  If referring to our power, yes we are nothing.  If referring to our importance we are not nothing.  Maybe before Moses could learn of God’s love, he needed to be humbled to learn of God’s power, so that he would be able to trust God.

We have been watching the cartoon “King of Egypt” a lot recently because we just got it from my sister.  Moses’ mind frame after being raised in Egypt as a Prince of Egypt was that he was ‘almost a god’.  The Egyptians in their theological beliefs thought that Pharaoh was God: “he was the morning and the evening star; so it is said, so let it be written” implying that Pharaoh’s word was is an unbreakable decree.  That was the whole aim of their society was to become a god and they believed they could do it by their own power. 

As for the author’s question:  Why do we resist relying on God’s power and choose to lean, instead, on self and the answers the world provides?

It my mind, it is a matter of faith.  Things which are seen are easier to believe.  Things which are not seen are much more difficult to believe.  If we have not seen for ourselves the works of God, we may be doubtful of His power to act.  If we do not know of His love for us, we would doubt His desire to act in our behalf.  It is one of the tests of mortality: to trust in God to see ‘if man will do all whatsoever God seeth fit to inflict upon him.’  Beginning at a very young age, a child acts on the feeling ‘I can do it by myself’.  We have a basic need to do all we can for ourselves.  Then in adulthood, in the childhood of our parenthood, we have to learn the opposite: that we can’t do it by ourselves, and we are powerless.  It is a symbiotic relationship.  There is only part which we have power to act on, and part which we do not.  We must learn how to appropriately work in our stewardship to invite the agency of our children so that they learn to choose for themselves the right way to go, and grow in the process.  There can be no growth where there is not choice.  That was the difference between God’s plan and Satan’s plan in the Pre-mortal council in Heaven.  God wanted to see us grow because He loved us.  Satan was only thinking of himself and his greed for power. 

p.17  “As I continued to study the Book of Mormon, I found no support for any of the ideas of [spiritual] self-reliance, self-mastery, or self-sufficiency.  Instead, I found testimony everywhere that all my efforts at goal-setting, life planning, or life-management were manifestations of vanity and unbelief if there were not first based on prayerful counsel with the Lord. (Alma 37:37)  and then empowered by His grace (power to carry them out).

I need to ponder on this today. 

“I finally realized as I once heard it said, “True self-mastery comes from turning our “self” over to the Master.”

I truly am nothing without God and cannot of myself, no matter how hard I try, answer the ‘ends of the law’ by my own power.  I am completely helpless and subject to His justice and mercy. 

6-18-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 14, day 6

6-18-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 14, day 6 

Helaman 12:7

It is true that all the creations of God obey Him, except His children.  We are quick to do evil and slow to do good.  It is easier to watch TV than it is to exercise.  It is the river of the opposition of life where all things flow like gravity down to that which is death; to be at rest; having no more life and no more forces to act upon it.  As mortals, it must be our “conscious and continual effort to fight against it.” (CS Lewis- The inner ring)  We must chose to act on our agency, to decide be an entity that lives to act upon things, and not be a thing acted upon.  We must be determined to apply the principle of work: to fight against the downward current and swim upstream.  Sometime we must decide to deliberately go against the grain if the grain is going the wrong way.   We have to be willing to stand alone and choose the right, even if we are the only ones doing it and we have to stand alone.  When, for example, was the last time you were driving down the freeway going with the flow of traffic?  How fast were you going?  I find that traffic usually flows 5-10 miles above the speed limit.  Is that a big deal?  Maybe not, maybe it is.  I am personally at a place on the path right now that I have to learn to “be quick to observe” and quick to obey.  I am asking a lot of the Lord to bless me in the goals and vision I am seeking to attain.  I have to be sure that I am strictly obedient, or else I have not ‘done all that I can do’.  Did not Joseph Smith, the mortal who ‘has done more for mankind than any other man, save it be Jesus Christ’; did he not say that we must obey the law of the land?   I have decided to obey this speed limit, even if I am the only one doing it.  Others my see me as a ‘old fuddy-duddy’ and the traffic may swirl around me, but I know I am choosing the right and doing all that I can do to be obedient.  Then when I get on my knees at night, or when I reach a critical juncture and need a miracle, I expect the Lord will hear my cry and grant my petition: because I have done all that I can do to be obedient.  Now do I do this all the time every time, no.  It is something I am conscious of and something I work to be aware of and careful to be obedient. 

You would think that a person in this place trying to be ‘strictly obedient’ wouldn’t have other problems like an anger addiction, right?  We all have to have areas we struggle it.  It is part of the mortal experience.  We are all subject to the flesh and therefore temptation.  We all must strive to overcome the flesh and the world.  We all must lay down our own will if we are to have a fullness of joy by seeking the Father’s will.  This is Christ’s victory, and he says, “Come, follow me.”  His victory will be our victory too if we trust in Him more than the arm of the flesh.

6-17-11 “He did deliver me from bondage”p. 14, Day 5

6-17-11              “He did deliver me from bondage”p. 14, Day 5

Alma 26:12  “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do ALL things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.”

About three years ago in 2008 the Prophet counseled members of the church to avoid getting second mortgages and going into more debt.  As the time I was studying Robert Kiyosaki’s (author of Rich Dad) financial success program.  We even paid a large sum of money for a personal mentoring program.  Looking back on it now, my heart was seeking for the approval of men and the riches of this world.  My heart was not looking to God nor did I put Him first in my life.  “Seeking first the kingdom of God” was the furthest thing from my mind.  I was of the world.  Not that I didn’t go to church or even the temple.  I did all those things.  I even am pretty sure I was studying my scriptures.  The things that stands out to me is that I had not yet begun my Liber education.  I did not know how to discern between truth and error.  I did not know how to think for myself to find truth.  I could not recognize the philosophies of men or the voice of the Lord.

Now we have lost both the investments houses we bought with the mortgage.  We have been a part of causing the “market crash” because of the “credit bubble” because we did not heed the voice of the Prophet.  Though we are not repenting, we may suffer the consequences of this choice for the rest of our lives, at least from the perspective of the world.  Our goal is to become self-sufficient anyway.  This just forces us into a position of having to live “money on the barrel” instead of getting a loan for live—which is the true and correct principle anyway.  Now we are pressed into it, instead of obeying the first time.

The thing that I love about this chapter is the ‘marvelous light’ in v 3.  I wrote about this yesterday.  I think I have much of the same desires as Alma did before his mission.  Now this is the fruit of his harvest. 

I also have been thinking much of the power of God to snatch us out of our pit.  V. 17 speaks of this power and mercy to do so.  I think it was because of the prayer of Alma’s father that God “did not let the sword of justice fall upon us” v.19.  

I also like v.21-22 that talks about the recognition of the path of discipleship.

There is no natural man that knows of the mercy of God, save he be penitent. 

:22  “Yea, he that repenteth and exerciseth faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing – unto such it is given to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things that never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls to repentance….” 

Part of my path has been in building my confidence in the gift of Revelation.  It is a difficult thing to say I stand firmly on the rock of revelation.  Because at any moment anyone with the power of the Holy Ghost can know the same thing I know by the same power I know it.  It is a position of accountability, not one of exclusive privilege that sets us above anyone else.  But this scripture confirms something I read in the Ensign.  I think it was by Elder Scott (poss 2008 conf talk)  in a talk on revelation.  That we will reveal things as never has been revealed: Those who seek to solve problems in an innovative way through the Spirit.  I think because of the philosophy of men regarding “Authoritarianism” that many people today lack confidence in this power.  They think that it is up to the Prophet only to reveal new revelation.  That is true when it applies to his stewardship, which is the whole world.  The revelation I receive will apply to my stewardship, and can be just as this.  “Unto such shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed.”

I am about to introduce my vision for the changes in my calling.  Others I serve with have told me, “We do no have the authority to change things.”  I say, let’s get it by permission through the one who does have the authority.  The converse choice is that I ignore the promptings I have been receiving regarding my calling and dismiss the Spirit of revelation.  I have been seeking to know, and the Lord has revealed to me His will.  I do stand solidly on the rock of revelation and I am asking others to get a witness for themselves.  I hope the other leaders will do the same.

My pillow is the only thing that gets watered that never grows.  Instead my faith does as the Spirit swirls around my heart to cause me to believe the truth.

6-16-11 "He did deliver me from bondage" p. 14, Day 4

6-16-11              “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 14, Day 4

Mosiah 2:21  “I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from on e moment to another – I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.” 

I am of the dust of the earth.  He created the earth.  He used the earth to create my body, and it belongs to him, for the debt is unpaid.  He has placed in me my spirit, given me my mind to think, my body to do, my heart to feel.  He has delivered me from the hands of my enemies and I sing to Him redeeming love.  I know there is nothing I could do to repay Him, for He blesses me abundantly every time I keep a law.  He is the giver of life, the bread and the water, the sunshine and the soil.  My roots are sunk deep in His bedrock of truth because He hath loved me and brought me to see His marvelous light.  All that I have is not my own.  All that I do to serve Him I do not so to repay Him, but to Honor Him.  I want to bring Him glory because I love Him, but He hath loved me first.  My life was in torment because I knew not Him love because I would not believe.  I was a victim in the prison I built for myself while licking my own wounds.  He has turned my heart and brought me out of the pit of my self-pity.  Where I once thought only of myself, I now seek to meet the needs of others.  Where there once was despair and loneliness, there is now hope and gratitude.  It is true, I am an unprofitable servant.  But being in such a position allows me to feel the joy of being in His debt; to feel a deep sense of gratitude; to want to work all my days to repay Him and serve Him.  It is my honor and privilege to serve Him, no matter how other men may receive my gift.   I do it not for man, but for God.  I care not to receive the Honors of men for in the end they will laugh and mock whom they once put in the lime light.  I care not for riches for they are only needed to bring about the purposes of God as they are a means to an end.  My life is to glorify God.  My joy is to serve Him.  My prayer is that I may be filled with His love that I may give it to others and draw them to the Savoir.  I want them to feel the joy I feel in knowing the goodness of God.  I want them to see the mysteries of heaven open for them that they may see the marvelous light.  I want them to know God that they may know they way to happiness. 

“He did deliver me from bondage” p. 13, Day 3

 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 13, Day 3

2N 31:19 

 “For ye have not come thus far  save it were by the word of Christ and with faith unshaken in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.”

Yes, I have thought that my problem is in consequence of a low self-esteem, but this definition does not clearly discern the problem.  I think a lack of self-esteem, as the world calls it, is a result of not knowing who you are, and not knowing who you are is a lack of knowing God and having the Holy Ghost.  It is a line-upon-line journey of discovery.  I have seen in my journey that the degree to which I know God, then my confidence waxes (grows gradually) before Him.  It is a paradoxical idea to me that I have a “self-esteem” problem and that I do not esteem God highly enough.  It would seem that in both cases there is a lack of belief.  But how could there be a lack of belief if I have come “thus far with faith unshaken”?

I see the drift she is intending guide me in that I am nothing and God is everything.  I think my life has been teaching me that quite articulately during the last couple years.    I pray and wait for deliverance.

“He did deliver me from bondage” p. 13, Day 2

“He did deliver me from bondage” p. 13, Day 2

I have been pondering about this carnal problem solving.  One thing that I have realized is that some blessings come as grace, some come through grit.  In the past couple of years as I have learned to focus on Christ, solutions seem to be forthcoming; adjustments and changes seem to happen more fluidly.  I disagree with the word “automatically”.  The way I see it, there are things we need to hope for, things we need to work for, and things we need to wait for- and they’re not necessarily the same thing.  One example might be if we hope for patience, we pray for charity, and receive grace and understanding.  Christ is the seed of all divine attributes.  I see her point of view that as we focus on Christ that some changes happen so slowly they are seemingly imperceptible and unnoticed.  Sometimes I think I have lived my mission my whole life and not even known it.  Like Elder Anderson once said, “We come to know what we already knew.” (talk called “You know enough”) 

I used to think the path of discipleship would happen like the manufacturing of a car where one part is put in at a time all done until you have a fine working vehicle.  As I walk this path it seems more like the formation of a baby in the womb where all things happen at once working together in perfect unison.  As I see myself becoming an instrument in the hand of the Lord, it is not my patience that is finished then I work on Godliness.  As Elder Uchtdorf said Faith, Hope, and Charity work inter-dependently in an upward spiral supporting and building on one another.  This path is difficult to describe, but unmistakable if you have walked it.  I know it is not me that is forming me to become who I am.  It is obvious and plain that I am wholly and completely supported by a power higher than my own.

2 N 12:11    And it shall come to pass that the lofty looks of men shall be humbled and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day.

What does it mean that the “Lord alone shall be exalted in that day”?  I suppose in the day that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ, they will do so because they realize the have no power and He has all power when the pestilence comes upon us is because of sin.  The prophecies are as much a foreseeing of wickedness as much as they are a warning.

We as a people are called to prepare the earth for the Second Coming of the Savior.  Pres Eyring said that “When He comes we will be prepared”.  https://lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/our-hearts-knit-as-one?lang=eng&signmein

That means to me that Zion will already be established and the earth will already be cleansed and pure.  Sometimes in my mind of foreseeing the future I think that things will happen in a “Poof”  type of magic.  But that is not how the Lord works.  He can certainly bring to pass what He will how He will.  But so far as I have observed in the scriptures and in my own life the Lord works through means that will increase our faith while He is bringing about His purposes.  And that happens because we choose it to be.  We are the ones that are His hands to work to prepare for that time.   It was the little boy David who went to the King and said, “I will fight Goliath!”  That wasn’t a “poof”.  That was the choice and faith of a little boy who believed in the power of God to conquer regardless of what things may have appeared to be like. 

But as for this reference, I think it will come to a point where man will realize they have no jurisdiction to legislate against the waves of the sea and men will stand as fools before God without power or self-importance.