8-4-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 44, Day 7

Alma 5

I read the words ‘mighty change of heart’ and in my mind I checked this off my list because I’ve done that… What a minute! (I thought to myself) Is this something that can be checked off a list? Why am I feeling like I’ve veered two degree’s off course? (Pres Uchtdorf story about a plane crashing into a volcano because they were two degrees off course.)

v. 4 They were in bondage and “they were delivered out … by the mercy and power of God.” Mercy is given when we do not deserve it. Am I recognizing this mercy? Do I feel like I deserve or have earned by my own merit the deliverance I have received thus far? Am I recognizing God’s hand in all things? Or am I letting Him once again give anonymous service?

v. 6 “Have you sufficiently retained in remembrance the captivity of your fathers? Yea, and have you sufficiently retain in remembrance his mercy and long suffering towards them? And moreover, have ye sufficiently retained in remembrance that he has delivered their souls from hell?”

I am enjoying some amount of peace as I set my life and my house in order. My children sleep well. After 4 long years, I am getting a full night’s sleep. My house is clean. I am finding the discipline and focus to get done what I intend to do. It could be very easy to get comfortable in this place. Comfort to me is death.

I’m curious what audience Alma is talking to. Here he is talking to them like they have had a mighty change of heart, and later he says that they are murders. This seems to be a people who is both (maybe a wide spectrum in the audience) apathetic and cold, but who had once been in a very tender place of mercy who knew intimately of the mercy and love of the Savoir. Am I becoming apathetic? Is this my two degrees?

v.7 “He changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God.”

It seems the lesson here for me is one of remembrance and gratitude. If I remember to be grateful for having been delivered out of bondage, then I recognize it was by God’s merciful hand, and that puts me in a place of debt, and one of gratitude. I need to get back to the temple. Last Sunday’s lesson said we can veer two degrees and not know it when we don’t get to the temple often enough. It’s only been a month, but it seems like three.

8-3-11 PM thoughts

What do I need to do to Focus on the Savoir better?

When we study a picture to focus on it, we get very close, become very quite, intensely observe and wonder. Questions start coming to mind which makes us observe more closely. We become one with our object of study. Do this with my Jesus.

START ASKING AM questions EVERY DAY:

Why? “Come unto me. Learn of me, and listen to my words…”
How does this help me focus on the Savior?
How does this help me get to know my Savoir? What characteristics does it describe?

What do I need to DO today to BE more like the Savoir? Internalize and ask. Record your answer.

8-3-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 44, Day 6

Patience in suffering

Mosiah 24:14

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, go visit my people in their afflictions.”

I think the Lord has done much to ease my burdens by studying this book, not to mention it is helping me with my mission to see how I can create a learning journal for others. I think having patience for myself and accepting my best- whatever ‘widow’s mite’ it is, is beginning to help me let go of the need to become angry. The other day when the kids were fighting I felt released from the obligation to ‘make them stop’ fighting. I know they fight and yell because that is how I have shown them how to solve their problems. I am changing from the inside out. As I continue to try my best each day, one more marble of good goes into the hose. Deliverance is on the way, it is an eventuality if I continue to change, they will change. Then I will not “[need to]” suffer that my children fight and quarrel.

I guess I should explain the hose thing. In my process of learning in the garden, and learning about delayed gratification, the Lord planted an idea in my mind of an analogy. Change is like a garden hose and marbles: As you sew, so shall ye reap; Work now, reward later. This process helps us learn faith and patience to be able to bring about the promises the Lord has promised us. If I have a garden hose that is full of all black marbles and I want it full of white marbles, the only thing I can do is put one marble in the hose at a time. We are creatures who learn slowly. Plants only grow one day at a time. Why should we expect more of ourselves? Everyday I read my scriptures I am effecting change from the inside out: the slow way. I seek to change my heart, and change myself. My actions through out the day are a result of who I ‘am’ in today. It is as if every day when I keep my promise to study my scriptures that I am putting a marble into the hose, one each day. Depending on how long the hose it, then it will take that much work before I see the results come out of the other end. There is a period of faith that a seed must germinate under the soil unseen and in the dark before it can emerge from the ground. Both conditions are necessary in order to create the environment for the seed to grow. We must plant with hope, work with patience, and then we will see the fruits of our labors. By imagining this hose in my process of change, it helps me to have faith in the eventuality (not just a possibility) of the harvest. If I do what the Lord asks, His blessings will be mine eventually, not maybe.

So that takes me back to Leslie’s Jackrabbit factor. This is where we are grateful in today and trust the process, imagining that those blessing are already ours.

Epiphany from “When you least expect it” song by Hilary Weeks:

We all have cycles of up and down times. If we join together in synergy, then we can lift each other up in those moments of doubt; and the work collectively will never have to be hindered by a momentary doubt individually because synergistically we our strengths will cover our weaknesses. We will constantly progress toward the promises of the Lord: which are a sure eventuality if we are faithful. Together we will be stronger.

8-2-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 44, Day 5 on Mosiah Ch. 7

Mosiah 7:15 “We are in bondage to the Lamenites… and now, behold, our brethren will deliver us out of bondage…”

I think too often in the victim-mentality we want others to rescue us, not realizing the power to rescue lies with One only. We think someone else can snap their fingers and with ease deliver us. But there is a price that must be paid; a lesson to be learned so that we don’t return “as a dog to his vomit.” What got us into bondage? Why are we still here? What must I do to get out? What price must I pay? And where will the Mighty arm of Grace rescue me after all I can do?

v. 18 “Oh ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be is subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain…”

He had great faith is his rescuers, and great hope despite the long time they have struggled in bondage.

“yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made.”

He knows of the price that must be paid. Last night I was reading in “Jackrabbit email tidbits” and Leslie Householder was talking about changing from the inside out: that after we change on the inside, the outer circumstances are an eventuality. Changing my heart from the inside out is the price I must pay. I want my transformation to be complete, and not just temporary. I know that real change will bring real lasting peace, and not a temporary peace. (Reagan quote about peace.)

v. 19 “Therefore, lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your trust in God…”

Last night Leslie (Jackrabbit author) said that changing from the inside starts with putting ourselves in a state of gratitude, even though the outside circumstances have not yet changed. It seems that this is what Limhi is asking his people to do. This is where faith germinates and breaks forth into life.

v. 20 God is good and has done many things to preserve His people “and behold, it is because of our iniquities and abominations that he ahs brought us into bondage.”

I love how he is not making any excuses, but taking full responsibility. Same thing in v. 25

“for if this people had not fallen into transgression the Lord would not have suffered that this great evil should come upon them.”

v. 32 “And now, behold, the promise of the Lord is fulfilled, and ye are smitten and afflicted.

33 “But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.”

Thoughts on “He did deliver me from bondage” p.44 day 5

Yes, I see this process. I trust the process. I know it can not happen all at once. I know that the faster change happens the faster the rebound. Slow change is permanent change though the Lord. I saw this in my garden while growing green beans that young tender plants are easily moved and changed. The tomatoes are probably a better example. Young plants can be trained. Old plants break much easier with the stress of change. But I read that if you stick an old t-shirt under the part you want to move to create slow change, that even an old limb can be safely moved without damage.

My studies in the garden also brought me to see the Law of the Harvest, and that God’s judgments are just. We reap according to that which we sow. God created for us this environment here on earth to learn through life’s experiences, both good and bad. It is all a part of God’s plan. We are on course. Just because we experience pain does not mean everything is not in alignment. Pain brings motivation to change; it is a great teacher to create permanent change. It’s all part of the process. I know He loves me and is leading me to that permanent change to deliver me out of bondage, where the temptations of Satan can no longer sway me.

Overcoming the power of the adversary to bind Him with our righteousness is no small task. This is how Zion will be brought about. It can only happen one day at a time, through slow real change.

7-31-11 “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage” p. 43, day 4

Mosiah 3:19

I picture the child in this scripture about Allie’s age. She is now 6 and has a mild temperament. There are occasions when she gets stubborn, but it is easily overcome as I tell her “Don’t smile!” If I remember to bring in laughter, then her heart is softened. It’s when I am ornery that is making her ornery that it becomes a problem and then we feed each other’s stubbornness.

I was thinking about this scripture the other day. When it says “even as a child doth submit to his father”, I think it may be referring how children submit to their Heavenly Father. As times it seams that Heavenly Father is in complete control of the attitudes of my children. They are happy when I am happy and they are defiant when my patience and long-suffering need to be tested.

“Write about how young a child you are willing to become to your Heavenly Father and just how far you are willing to submit in all things that He might see fit to “inflict” upon you.”

I think my current spiritual age in this respect is probably somewhere around 14. (Remembering the goal is to grow from an ‘old grumpy man’ to a submissive child, then getting spiritually younger as we go.) I have grown out of my 16-18 stage of thinking I know everything. I know there is so much I don’t know and so much I lack. I have learned to trust that God knows best, that He sees all- especially when I cannot, and that He is ‘making me complete’. I trust this process. I know who I am because God told me. I know what He wants for me, and I know where He is leading me; I trust that. There is no pain, emotionally or physically, that I would be unwilling to suffer if it was His will. My intent and willingness to suffer is not generally where I lack, (at least I don’t think it is. I am constantly checking myself on my motives and intentions.) Where I do lack is in the limited perspective of “the moment” of pain, which is where I tend to get angry.

I know God is good. I know I am His child. I know He wants me to be happy and all that He has created in me and around me is leading me to reach my full potential: my weaknesses will in time be turned to strengths- as I continue to submit to Him in all things.

7-23-11 “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage” p. 43, Day 3

Jacob Ch. 4: I was surprised when I read this chapter that he said “beloved brethren” or “beloved” or “brethren” so many times. He feels a very deep love for those he is speaking to.

“Write in the form of a question something that has been troubling you, addressing it to the Lord. Then listen and record the answer you receive.”

Wow, isn’t this ironic. Here I am struggling to learn how the Lord would have me build trusting relationships, then I have an opportunity to see my actions through others eyes because of some feedback from a couple of different people.

Hum, let’s see, how do I form my concerns in a question to the Lord? This feels a little weird putting my prayers in my journal…

Lord, I am concerned that my actions which I intend to be sharing and building experiences will be misinterpreted and cause offense. How do I work though these barriers and create trust and understanding?

Share your concerns. Share your motives. You can tell others that they don’t need to filter their feelings or thoughts with you, and invite them to be open with their feelings. Promise them you will not be offended. Share how you try to see their words through their context of understanding to see how they see the world. Review Ballard’s talks on building relationships. Ask again later and continue to learn line upon line.

Wow. That was pretty incredible. This is like building a ship one step at a time…

Guess I know what I’m going to study tomorrow.

7-22-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p.43, Day 2

We’ve been having a lot more spills lately. Heavenly Father knows that this is a weak point for me and it sends me flying. I truly believe God is in control over the daily circumstances of my home, even down to the children’s reactions or behaviors. I’ve been learning to have more patience with my own mistakes because I’ve been the one spilling the stuff! Unpleasantly ironic. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

2 N 10:24 “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.”

conform, v.t. [L., to form, or shape, form.]

1. To make like, in external appearance; to reduce to a like shape, or form, with something else; with to; as, to conform any thing to a model.

I remember a couple of years ago I was studying with my Ward Family in a class held on weekdays to study the Ensign talks together. I can’t really explain how it happened, but I remember gaining a witness of bending my will to the will of God. We were talking about prophets and becoming self-reliant. Whatever happened I gained a witness that following (doing in deed what He asks) the Prophet is like holding onto the iron rod with one hand, and aligning our lives to scripture is like holding onto the rod with the other hand. I went through an evaluation process with a handout I got that night and marked each section with one of the following:

Doing OK
Need to work on
Will have to wait for later

I made a written checklist of the things I needed to change in order to conform my life to the council of the Prophet. It was sobering to realize where I was, and the specifics of what I needed to DO in order to adapt myself to the word of the Lord. I already had the desire. I was just self-deceived thinking that I was doing what the Prophet asked, when it was only a desire or intention.

Since that time I have gone to work on conforming my life to the will of God. I know there are many blindnesses that I cannot yet change because I cannot see my own pride in greater degree than I have the power to change myself in today. The part that I can do is I pray every morning that in my studies (in my living and my learning throughout the day) that the Lord will help me align my thoughts and actions to truth. It’s like pulling weeds. I have so many weeds I could not pull them all in one day. But when I am able, I work on it for a little while. Recognizing weeds in our thoughts is like a psychological process of weeding out the lies in our mind. I believe that we become unhappy because we have succumbed to believe a lie Satan planted in our mind. Believing these lies causes depression, suicide, and many other abnormal human patterns of sadness and destruction.

One of my many weeds that I recognized only a couple of years ago was that I believed as a child that I was made from inferior raw material; that somehow I was inherently flawed and it was not possible for me to be as smart as everyone else. I went to ‘resource’ (got pulled out of class with the regular kids to go learn in a smaller group with the dumb ones) and was teased much as school and home. I came to believe the mean things people teased me about and blocked out the good things they said. About 4 years ago there was a crack in that block because the Lord led me to go to Power Training. www.powerwithinus.com Those three days changed my life, and opened a door of belief for me. It broke down the hard shell I had built around myself and helped me see so many indescribable things. So “Now” (Hilary Weeks) I see- at least in greater degree than I could then. Now that I have a believing heart (at least more than I did then) I now have learned the truth about how God sees me. I learned for myself 1^st hand from Him how He feels about me and what He wants for me, and that was the beginning of my being able to trust Him.

It is a slow process that requires humility (a willingness to adapt our thoughts and actions to the word and the will of God), a willing heart and mind, and then the grit and conviction to conquer or die- yet the commitment to victory must be that great. Conviction and determination grow as we do our best in today, then tomorrow we will have more. Our will to obey grows as we obey.

2 N 10:24 “… remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.”

I guess the “law of more” is where grace comes in- that as we do all we can do, then he blesses us with a greater power to do. I don’t see this as a submissive grace, like the grace of repentance that washes you clean. This is more like a working grace that we have to earn after we get off our knees. It takes grit and determination- however much you have today, more will come tomorrow if you do all you can do. Then we receive the washing-over-us-grace that increases our determination and conviction. [When I say we, I mean this is what I have seen happen in my own life and I know the law applies equally to anyone else as it does to me. Therefore it becomes a “we”.]

It is God that makes us good through this willingness to conform, after all we can do.