11-21-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 127 Day 4

11-21-11    “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 127  Day 4

http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/10?lang=eng

23 Therefore, ^acheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are ^bfree to ^cact for yourselves—to ^dchoose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

I have seen this through my garden and the Law of the Harvest with the Z model.  I can see through Natural Law that it is true that we are free to choose our results because we choose our approach.  It has also shown me that God gave us a “space” where in to dwell and learn for ourselves by our own experience to know to price the good and shun the evil.  This is what I work to do in my home:  to create a learning environment and all that means in relation to the paradigms that I have.  I realize that if I want my children to learn for themselves (and to be the kind of leaders God has shown me is possible) then I must needs ‘allow’ them to learn within the bounds (or rules) that I set in my home.  I think too often our “natural-man parent” wants to just demand and force the situation or ‘do it cause I said so’.  If we truly want them to learn for themselves, it requires endless patience to explain and teach the reasons, so they can truly come to understand the Natural Law.  If we base the laws in our home on God’s law, then they will eventually come to see the wisdom in it and come to understand how God deals with His children. 

One lesson I learned for myself through my own experience was the connection between morality, modesty, and self-identity.  When I was a teenager I had a low self-esteem and didn’t know who I was.  I lacked acceptance at home and went outside the home looking for it in friends and worse boyfriends.  I lowered my standards and got attention from wearing immodest clothes.  Looking back, the saddest thing is that I did not let anyone come to see who I really was because I was afraid.  I played the part though I was never at peace in my heart.  With the clothes I wore, I did not show them who I really was.  I felt ugly on the inside and I tried to over-compensate for it by how I looked on the outside.  The world can never create a truly confident beautiful woman- only God can do that.  God builds us from the inside out to help us know who we really are.  He loves us, accepts us, and heals our hearts until we personally know His love so deeply that it really doesn’t matter to any degree the rejection the world gives us.  Now that I have learned for myself who I am and that I am beautiful, I can teach my children the truth.  When they come to matters of modesty I can tell them about being beautiful on the inside and of God’s love.  I know the truth is in my heart, so deep that sometimes I feel like I can’t even explain it.  I hope that my children choose to remain pure so that they will know where their true worth lies and know that their powerful beauty shines from deep within because of their purity.  There was a saying perpetuated by the world (I remember it from the movie “Liar, Liar”).  It was in a scene where the son was talking to the Dad about beauty.  The son said (probably not exact quote), “But I thought that true beauty was on the inside.”  Then the dad said, “That’s just something that ugly people say to make themselves feel better.”  He was lying.  Fake beauty is only skin deep and real beauty cannot be bought with money or surgery.  Real beauty comes from knowing where your true worth lies, and that’s the truth.

11-17-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 127 Day 3

11-17-11                “He did deliver me from bondage”  p. 127 Day 3

I was thinking of “ease” this morning.  I talked to a friend about how the path to captivity is “easy” and the path to freedom is “Work”.  I think there are areas of each of our lives that we are stuck in an ‘auto-pilot’ mode where we are not really working to apply our best selves.  I have realized recently that I need to work much harder to ‘work’ with the children inspiring them to love to learn.  I have realized the weight of my responsibility and the depth of their education that is completely on my shoulders.  It would be so much easier to ‘toss the ball’ over to someone else.  But God gave them to me.  I am the parent, and I am response-able.  I know I can never lift the weight of my work alone and I must ask for His power and grace to help me lift it. 

Mosiah 4:30

But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not ^awatch yourselves, and your ^bthoughts, and your ^cwords, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and ^dcontinue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.

11-16-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 127, Day 2

11-16-11    “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 127, Day 2

Daily Inventory…  Hum, new idea.    An enemy that weakens my strength?

I think an enemy that weakens my influence is trying to control others- it is repulsive not influential.  I still feel the ‘monster’ inside me who wants to strike out and tell others what to do.  It has been a constant game of ‘give and take’ learning “Which part is mine, and Lord which part is yours?  I get so confused sometimes.  Could you please tell me which part is mine, and which part is yours?”  That’s a song I remember from my youth.  It has been the adventure of my life to figure it out.  (by the way I have recently decided to use the word of adventure where I used to use the word challenge;  Before that I used the word problem instead of challenge.  I’m growing!  Because I know my mind will create the reality of what ever I call it and believe it to be.) 

I found this liberating quote today on facebook:

Heather Madder
" I hold only MYSELF accountable for my OWN JOY, PEACE, HAPPINESS, and SUCCESS in my PURPOSE HERE...Everyone else is off the hook. How freeing for both of us!"

I think this is truly what it means to pull the mote out of your own eye.  If I hold myself, and only myself, accountable in all these ways, recognizing my own shortcomings, then I think there is really no room for the hypocrisy that would cause me to desire to point out someone else’s dirty windows.  But what about the tyrant that wants to go tell them how to wash their own laundry?  I know the example that brought me to where I am.  What I do not know is the beliefs that accompany the paradigm of control.  Oooo!  I have an idea- let’s put it to the test with the Z model…

Leads to left                                                                                                  Leads to right

CONTROL                                                                                            AGENCY

Pointing out others faults                                                                       giving others praise and compliments

Telling others what to do                                                                       affirming belief in them that they CAN do

Well… looks like this still needs some work…                                Allowing them to learn for themselves

My desire to be in control                                                                      My desire to see them grow

11-15-11 “He did deliver me from bondage” p. 126, Day 1

11-15-11    “He did deliver me from bondage”  p. 126,  Day 1

I feel Nephi’s words with the ‘sins that do so easily beset me’.  I have felt the ‘thorn in the flesh’ like Paul and because of my pride must have it remain lest I fall because of vanity.  God’s grace is truly sufficient for me.  It is the weak things of the world that will thrash the nations, not those who are confident and strong.  I am mighty only in relying on His strength and I depend on Him only because I know I am so small and weak; I am nothing without Him, but with Him I CAN do ANYthing.  -1 + infinity still = infinity.  He will do with me what He sees fit and I will trust in Him.  He gives me the words; He gives me good desires; He lifts my thoughts, strengthens my knees, and gives me wings.  His love is transcendent to my inadequacies.  How else would an unbelieving world see the hand of God?

It reminds me of a part in “The Dream Giver” where after Nobody becomes Somebody he starts to fight battles in the name of the Dream Giver.  Every battle he fights is another chance to give glory to the Dream Giver.  Every time he doesn’t know where to strike, he asks for guidance.  I love the story of Joshua and the Walls of Jericho.  They were so small and weak compared to the great warriors on top of the wall.  It would appear to the would that it was impossible for Joshua to obtain the land the Lord had promised him.  Facts didn’t matter to Joshua; he believed the Lord’s promise anyway.  God gave him instructions of what to do and he trusted God, despite whatever his eyes showed him to the contrary.  After he had followed the instructions he kept believing, doubting nothing, as he watched and waited in that moment; the very moment when it was God’s turn to keep His promise.  I believe the walls fell because Joshua continued to believe, despite what his eyes saw.  He just watched with perfect faith UNTIL they fell.  Maybe he even saw the image in his mind of the walls falling.  God was able to keep His promise because Joshua did not doubt; because the 40 years of wandering in the wilderness had prepared him to have perfect faith.  He knew it because he had seen God keep His promise time and time again. 

In my own struggle, I have slowly been learning a little bit of this kind of faith.  My toilet has helped with the repetition, creating the habit of believing and visualizing.  Where I am currently feeling the most inadequate is in my parenting skills.  I see the children yelling at each other because Josh and I yell.  It’s painful to see results in my life that I don’t like.  I want to see them showing feelings charity for each other: being kind, talking nicely etc…  Perhaps it is unrealistic to think it can be that way all the time; maybe at least for now.  In our learning phases there will be up and down times; we just have to learn from the down times otherwise there is no benefit for having experienced it in the first place.  I get so overwhelmed so easily.  All the details bog me down and I can’t see the big picture.  That’s when I start drowning.  For me, I have to have my eye of faith focused on the most important thing in order to give meaning and purpose to all the small and simple things I do.  It doesn’t work for me the other way around.  I loose motivation when caught in the thick of thin things. 

I was talking to my Mom last night.  She has been here now for over a week taking care of me on bed-rest and taking care of the children.  While I’ve been on bed-rest it has been a good opportunity to take a step back and observe my children’s behavior, while not having to take the active role of the care giver.  I love how my Mom’s words are sweet, patient, and kind.  She is creating a nurturing atmosphere of love.  When I was in her shoes a couple of weeks ago, I see that my words have been more snappy and demanding, rather than sweet and king.  I have created with my words an atmosphere of contention.…  Hence that is why Teren is snappy and demanding.  Ouch.  I think somehow what I am focusing on is causing the tone of my voice and the mood consequently that I create.  What have I been focused on?  Some days I’m just focused on surviving, feeling a heavy burden, just trying to make it through.  That focus is in the mud- too short term to create positive results.  In my long-term vision of family I imagine and hope to create a family where we have learned how to take care of ourselves, learned assets to serve others, and then learned how to turn our focus outward to be a true friend to the Savoir in moving forward His work serving and giving as a family.  I suppose that does not mean that we have learned how to be perfectly sweet to each other every moment of every day.  Primarily it is more important that we are moving forward toward that vision than it is perfection in each step.  I think the step I have been missing is getting my family focused on the vision with me, so they can see WHY I am trying to help them do what I want them to do.  I have been wanting to learn how to share “vision” so now God sweetly presents me this pain and the opportunity to solve it through sharing vision.  He is so merciful.  It is truly amazing to me the ways the Lord teaches me to help me gain real deep true change in my very state of BE.  Not just learning to change my behavior of DO, but that the source of the fountain becomes changed…  which is what I have prayed for. 

I am so thankful for the gift of friends who help me understand my heart as we talk together (my Mom in this case) and for the gift of writing that has helped me to clarify my pain and the solution.  I truly do have ALL that I need, and God is ever so merciful.  It seems in our daily savings account I put in one penny of effort and He puts in .99 cents.  It’s so much more than a 50/50 “401k” savings plan.  I give my widow’s mite, and He makes up all that I lack.  I am so grateful for His mercy and grace. 

Gandhi Quotes:

Gandhi Quotes:  from http://www.mkgandhi.org/epigrams/contents.htm

It is a first class human tragedy that people of the earth who claim to believe in the message of Jesus, whom they describe as the Prince of Peace, show little of that belief in actual practice.

Do not flatter yourselves with the belief that a mere recital of that celebrated verse in St. John makes a man a Christian. TIG-68

If I had to face only the Sermon on the Mount and my own interpretation of it, I should not hesitate to say, ‘O yes, I am a Christian.' T-2-29

I do not accept the orthodox teaching that Jesus was or is God incarnate in the accepted sense or that he was or is the only son of God. XXV-85

I love Christianity, Islam and many other faiths – through Hinduism. BUNCH-110

The scriptures of Christians, Mussalmans and Hindus are all replete with the teaching of ahimsa.

The Allah of Islam is the same as the God of Christians and the Ishwar of Hindus. T-4-252

Civil disobedience is not only the natural right of a people, especially when they have no effective voice in their own Government, but that it is also a substitute for violence or armed rebellion.

Mass civil disobedience is like an earthquake, a sort of general upheaval on the political plane.

Non-co-operation means refusal both to help the sinner in his sin and to accept any help or gift from him till he has repented. XX-34

Non-co-operation is protest against an unwitting and unwilling participation in evil.

Non-co-operation is an attempt to awaken the masses to a sense of their dignity and power.
MM-179

Non-co-operation enables us to show that in everything that matters we can be independent of the Government. XX-131

It is the duty of a non-co-operator to preach disaffection towards the existing order of things. Non-co-operators are but giving disciplined expression to a nation’s outraged feelings.

True nonviolence is mightier than the mightiest violence.

Nonviolence, in its dynamic condition means conscious suffering

Nonviolence which is a quality of the heart, cannot come by an appeal to the brain.

Nonviolence is an intensely active force when properly understood and used. T-4-141

Nonviolence, when it becomes active, travels with extraordinary velocity, and then it becomes a miracle.

If one does not practise nonviolence in one’s own personal relations with others and hopes to use it in bigger affairs, one is vastly mistaken.

Love is a rare herb that makes a friend even of a sworn enemy and this herb glows out of nonviolence.

If God holds me to be a pure instrument for the spread of nonviolence in place of the awful violence now ruling the earth, He will give me the strength and show me the way.

Nonviolence does not signify that man must not fight against the enemy, and by enemy is meant the evil which men do, not the human beings themselves.

A little of true nonviolence acts in a silent, subtle, unseen way and leavens the whole society.

Use truth as your anvil, nonviolence as your hammer and anything that does not stand the test when it is brought to the anvil of truth and hammered with ahimsa, reject as non-Hindu.

The practice of truth and nonviolence melted the religious differences, and we learnt to see beauty in each religion.

It is the acid test of nonviolence that in a nonviolent conflict there is no rancor left behind, and in the end the enemies are converted into friends.

A rabbit that runs away from the bull-terrier is not particularly non-violent.

Tolstoy was the greatest apostle of nonviolence that the present age has produced.

11-14-11 Gandhi v.s. Captian Moroni

11-14-11          

As these truths of not controlling others and expecting a specific outcome are sinking down into my heart.  I’ve been trying to figure out what this looks like for me as a parent.  In combination with “He did deliver me from bondage”, yesterday I read in Thomas Jefferson Education, Companion book.  In my home-schooling program, this allowing paradigm is also the foundation.   I am beginning to see what it means to invite and allow; to gently ask but not force.  There is much of the “force” paradigm in me.   I am trying to figure out how to change my very character to one that invites with love.  Maybe this in itself is a life-time pursuit.

The Higher Law

http://lds.org/liahona/1999/08/the-higher-law?lang=eng&query=agree+with+adversary

After having read this, I feel rest assured that there is a time to defend my life and my family.  God would surly honor the one who chose as the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s to prostrate themselves before their enemies.  However, for the sake of our children and the generations that must remain to prepare the earth for the Second Coming of the Savoir, I have come to settle on ecclesiastics “There is a time to kill and a time to heal…” 

I whole heartedly feel that we should not have any contempt or anger for others, even if they are trying to kill us.  I believe there is a time to use words in the war of “principalities and powers”, and that this is that time.  In this last General Conference, the opening prayer he prayed that the WORD might have a greater effect on the minds of the people than anything else.  I fully agree that this is that time to pull out all our weapons of faith, hope and love (not of fear, urgency, or anger) that we may sweep the great and spacious building one last time before it crashes to the ground like the Twin Towers did on”9-11”.  I speak of the non-violent resistance taught by Gandhi.  Now is not the time to stir up hearts to anger.  It is the time to settle and resolve firmly and surely on the truth; to decide what we can do and do it. 

Every living soul born to the earth at this time has a purpose and reason for being here.  It is not coincidence.  God had a plan for allowing us to be born right now in history.  It is each of our responsibility to find out what that purpose is and do it, regardless of what anyone else may say or do.  We are accountable to God, not man.  Let no man cause thee fear, only what God can do.

11-13-11 Scripture searching

D&C 19:18

Christ didn’t want to do it because He was afraid he would shrink…

“Our Lord knew well what each of us must learn: that pain and fear are two of those elements of opposition we must allow to exist but not allow to hamper our journey of recovery.”

D&C 97:8

To be accepted of the Father we must be willing to observe our covenants through every sacrifice He may require. 

To sacrifice our comfort zones…

Interestingly enough this is what is also required to live your true mission: to sacrifice this comfort zone.

“We cannot postpone this work of making amends forever.”

Her arguments are so compelling.  What choice do I really have?  It’s not if, but when:  Now or Later. 

p. 124  LET GO OF RESULTS

I think this is the reason why I was not ready before.  I so wish she would have told me to wait…

                “We must realize that how other people choose to react to our efforts is NOT our business…                 The only person I can bring to Zion is myself.”

Including our children…  This is the blaring line of true agency.  There it is and it can no longer be mistaken or obscure. 

Alma 42:27

I just feel so sad for those that choose not to come…  They are missing SO much.

“special brand of humility”…  How else would I learn true meekness (to be like the Savoir in very essence) except it be through the rejection of others.  Of course it’s within the will of the Lord because He knows truly what I need to learn. 

3 N 12:44-45

I used to be the one judging who thought the sun should only rise on the good and not the evil.  Now being judged and rejected is the perfect opportunity for me to show true repentance for that sin. 

I am so grateful that He is allowing me to learn this.  It must hurt Him to see me in such pain.  It will all be for the best when all is said and done.

Conclusion:

The person I’ve hurt the most is me.  I never thought of that before…  So no mater the pain I think I’ve caused someone else, my pain is still worse?

Maybe is true because all the torture I have given myself by not living my mission with joy.  I ate pain when I could have eaten freedom.

                “Often we view making amends as a form of punishing ourselves”

True dat!

                “finally loving ourselves…  free to receive and trust revelation”

I am free!  Free at last.  Others reactions to my repentance is not my business.  I release it to Him who knows best.