Confusing of Boundaries:
Matt
13:21 I
find it pretty ironically funny that because I struggle so much with not
understanding boundaries that I totally don’t get what this scripture has to do
with this subject…
Gal
6:4-5 This
is more helpful. I like the phrase
‘prove his own work’. Last night I read
that Thomas Jefferson said something to the effect that is it so easy and quick
to give advice to another person, but yet the giver still cannot solve his own problems. I like this phrase of ‘prove his own work’
because in a small way this is what I am trying to do with my experiments on
truth: to apply my own advice to see if it works- to prove it and thereby
create an asset worthy to share with others.
True what works for me may not work for others, but at least I am not
(or at least have decreased the frequency of) giving advice to (or attempting
to teach) others on things I have not yet applied in my own life. I think my goal this year can be summed up
in Gandhi’s words to “Be the change I wish to see in the world.” Not because I think I’m all that, but because
I can only change me.
Obviously
somewhere is my reasoning of understanding the truth I error because I still
fail to keep my temper with my children.
I believe if I truly understand and live the law of agency I will no
longer feel a need to get angry but having ‘done all I can do’ will be able to
let go and let others choose, even and especially my children.
Hel
14:30-31 Maybe because my children are
all under the age of 8 with me still being accountable before the bar of God
for their choices puts me a little over the line, or moved the line. Maybe the line isn’t straight as I had
assumed. Maybe as they grow older and
become accountable for themselves I will come to better understand how to work
within their agency and God’s will and better be able to allow them to ‘choose
for themselves’. For now, I am doing my
best but feel like I’m failing miserably.
Oh well, as long as I keep failing forward then I’ll make progress by
and by.
It
must be difficult as a parent watching one of your children choose evil and
still allowing that choice. It’s
probably one of the worst pains there is.
At least with the pain of my own ‘victim-ness’ it is something I can do
something about. I know the choice is
all mine. But with the choice of a child
who is accountable … it is not something that you can do anything about but
pray and hope and wait. I think it
requires more faith to believe that they will come back and the promises of the
temple be fulfilled that one day they will be eternally by your side- to hope
beyond hope even though the actions we see are totally contrary evidence. It’s like someone explained in our Gospel
Doctrine class that when we are in these close up moments of life it’s like
we’re looking at one frame of a film strip.
The film passes at something like 20 frames per second and we get stuck
on one frame. But if you step back and
look at the whole film real at the same time you can gain perspective to see
that there have been hard times before and there is much more film yet to
come. God is good and will deliver us
out of the trials of our bondage if we continue in faith. The quote that keeps me holding on is (I
think it’s from Featherson) that if we are faithful to our temple covenants
then our children will be with us in the eternities. It puts the responsibility and control back
on us to change us and helps me let go of the need to get angry at them and
just love the good I see in them now- to accept them as they are even though
they have mud on their shoes, and love them toward the light. (Here I go giving advice on that which I have
not yet applied. Hopefully I can use it
when I need to remember perspective in my own life.)
Ether
12:37 I find it ironic that God commands us to ‘pray
with all the energy of thy soul’ for the gift of charity. Then we take our prayers to Him like Ether
and then He says ‘if they have not charity it mattereth not to thee.’ The answer that comes in my head is, “No it
may not matter to me directly, but because of the great love you have been
blessed me with to feel this love and compassion for them it pains me to see
them in trials. I mean, what good does
it do to sit down in the mansions prepared for us if we sit there alone? I suppose that as we pray for others with
charity we must still remember that it is God decision to bless whom He will,
and leave our prayers as requests on the alter and allow Him to fulfill them as
He wilt.
I
really do love this format of study: to take questions, concern, or a problem
to the scriptures and put together a group of scriptures on the subject then
journal about them. It is very helpful
is the psychological process of belief and increasing testimony. This is also one of my goals this year- to do
this and take my problems to the scriptures.
Then I’m going to make a journal book about the journey. I need to focus on learning better in my
parenting stewardship, so I’m going to focus on that stewardship. I know parenting holds in life for us the
greatest joys and the deepest sorrows, and that we’re never ‘done’ learning to
be parents. So I thought for me and
others who want to learn with me, that it would be helpful. The coolest part is that I have these tapes
from BYU that my Mom got when she was in a child development class. I have listened to a couple of them and they
are so founded in deep principle and truth they are truly classics. They’re like auditory gold. I’m going to connect these tapes to the
scriptures and test and prove my own theories through scripture. It’s going to be great! I’m so excited!
Hilary
Weeks “He loves Me” He loves me right here right now, when I’m weak when I’m
strong; when I stand when I fall… Maybe
I have trouble doing this for others because I have trouble believing that God
really does this for me. This song is
working a miracle in me.
