6-12-11 Day 2

Day 2                 6-12-11

Today I was lead to read 2 N chapter 4.  I felt through “Nephi’s Prayer”.

I cried in my field,  (v.27-28)

“And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?  Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil on e have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mind enemy?

“Awake my soul!  No longer droop in sin.  Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.”

I imagined my spirit commanding my body and mind and heart of obey the will of my spirit, subjecting the flesh to the Spirit. 

Introductory Discussion:

p. 3 “What are my qualifications or credentials?  They are stated perfectly in Mosiah

My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and the bonds of iniquity.  I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God.  My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more.  (Mosiah 27:29)”

She has walked the path I desire to walk.

p.4 “In fact, not only have I not found it wanting, I have found it to be one of the simplest, most straightforward tools for connecting my confused and rebellious heart to the heart, mind and will of the Lord.  In the process of coming down into the “depths of humility” (not just skimming its surface), and “becoming a fool before God” (losing every single ‘trapping’ of the traditional Mormon woman – my marriage and “happy” home), my heart has been purified, freed from idolatry, from reliance on fragile, earthly sources of well-being and validation.  Gradually, in a very human, very imperfect, ebbing and flowing process, I have watched my heart transform.   Though I have not crossed hundreds of miles of earthly wilderness in my personal trek, I have crossed light-years of mental, emotional and spiritual wilderness.  And through the power of Christ, in the course of my scripture-based, Twelve Step-directed recovery, I found a change of heart I can only identify as Zion.”

I like the way she blends logic with the convincing power of the Spirit.  As Lehi did when he talked to his children from his death-bed: (2 N 4:12 “according to the feelings of his heart and the Spirit of the Lord which was in him”

6-11-11 "He Did Deliver Me From Bondage"

I read the introduction and cried as I identified with her story.  Though we have different addictions, we are on the same journey.  I am a struggling mortal, and so is she, trying to survive the effects of the fall, and thereby the flesh.

6-12-11 Getting Committed

12 Step Journal

“He did deliver me from bondage”

WHY I NEED TO DO THE 12 STEP PROGRAM:

1. To overcome my anger addiction
2. To learn to accept and apply the atonement
3. To learn to love myself
4. Because Teren needs me to change and show her the right example of love not fear
5. To further understand how to obey D&C 121; To learn how to inspire not require
6. So I can better obey the command to love my neighbor as myself
7. To bless my children and their children

WHAT WILL I HAVE TO SACRAFICE OR ARRANGE OR OVERCOME TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE?

1. Josh’s support
2. Get a babysitter
3. Prioritize and plan for and around it

I NEVER MADE IT TO THE CLASS THOUGH I DESPRETLY WANTED TO BE THERE.  INSTEAD I AM DOING THE HOME STUDY COURSE WITH THIS BOOK.

Introduction

Welcome to my 12 step Journal. 

I want to share this deep inner part of me with you because I want to become transparent.  I want to let go of all my pretentiousness.  It does make me vulnerable.  In doing this, I let go of being afraid of what you think of me (my selfishness) and allow you to see all of me, for better or worse.  I hope that you come to see into my heart and come to understand me and not judge me.

You will likely observe my self-righteousness and judgmentalness.  I hope that as this journal progresses that these qualities in me diminish, but if not then know they are my weaknesses.  I know they may never completely go away, and I will keep pushing forward to fight against them trusting the grace of the Only One who has power to cover my weakness with His love.  I hope you can make yourself better by learning from my mistakes.

You may be curious as to my intended ‘audience’ in writing a personal journal.  Since I was a little girl and when I first started writing in my journal, I have always felt my heart I was reaching out to help someone out there; not knowing where and not knowing who.  I have always intended to share my journals with others.  I hope it will do more good than harm.  I hope this journal will be of benefit to you in your journey toward happiness in knowing God and knowing yourself.

Even though I hope this journal may be of help to you on your journey, I realize the power lies in you.  I invite you to walk this journey with me.  Find the book and start writing in YOUR  journal.  It is my hope that then we will feel of one heart.  I would love to hear from you.  Please, walk with me.