7-19-11 “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage” p.A20

7-19-11

This morning we are a bit out of our regular routine.  I had to stay up an hour later last night because I have a library book that is due today.  I was blessed to be able to cover 100 pages in an hour and a half by skimming and reading sections that caught my attention.  I found the answers in “Eat to Live” that I needed, enough to know that I need to read his next book about eating healthy for kids called “Disease-Proof you child”.  I learned true principles of how to eat healthy food and the truth about food.  I have greater motivation to eat well.  I also learned from this book a powerful way to persuade through bringing to light the law and the consequence.  He has an amazing respect for agency and allowing others their choice.  It seems he has no need to control others, as I do.  I don’t think I read the word “should” in the whole book.  He lays out the law and then the consequence.  On one hand it appears he is without feeling because he does it so logically- without emotional persuasion (ethos) of feeling.  But at the end of the book he says he’s 100% committed to the readers success and well being.  I know he doesn’t do what he does because of money.  I know he does it because he is living his mission and he cares.  I also realized that he is a good Doctor because he knows his greatest calling is that of being a Father.  He is rooted in the truth and lives by it.  He does what he teaches.  He is a good man. 

So being off routine, I read scriptures first with the girls instead of personal study first.  It felt right.  We are learning the new songs for the Primary Program 2011.  These are amazing songs which direct our focus to creating Zion.  Listening to these songs reaffirms my testimony that the Lord is in control and He will lead His people.  The world can be as crazy as it likes but those who follow the Lord’s living prophet will have peace and be happy regardless of current world circumstances around us, because we have peace within us. 

I don’t know why but this morning I feel the fruit of p. A-25.  After scripture study, I felt a happy attitude come over me and my children that we desire to ‘live peaceably with one another’.   I know these promises are real because I see the evidence after having obeyed the law.  Some promises I still await and trust in the Lord…

p. A20

“6.  “Ye will not [have to] suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked [either emotionally or physically]” v.14

“As my need to appear perfect disappeared, my strict, cold, “letter of the law” brand of parenting did also.  I found myself spending far more time loving and sharing with my children and far less time criticizing and judging them.  Their hunger four my attention and their “nakedness” to my misdirected frustration and anger was relived.” “

Wow! Naked emotionally, having an empty cup bring hungry emotionally; their basic human needs unmet because of lack…  I had never considered this verse in the emotional sense, only the physical! That is so beautiful! 

7-17-11 "He did deliver me from bondage" p. A-17

7-17-11                     “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage”

p. A-17             

“Standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come.”  As we begin to experience some of the promises listed on the right side of the model we will find ourselves not able to keep them perfectly.  We will have to be satisfied with consistency no constancy.  Standing steadfast in hope for ourselves and faith in Christ, we must realize that it takes time to rid ourselves of the “old ways.”  Our nature has been changed, not our past.  [We are still subject to the mortal conditions and the desires of the flesh.]  We must give ourselves allowance for these imperfections and be willing to admit them and accept them.

“When we relapse, we must not get discouraged or despair that these principles do not work.  We must keep trusting in God, realizing that often His pattern is to ease our burden before relieving our bondage altogether (Mosiah 24:14)…

If our hearts are changed, we can be absolutely certain that we will see that change begin to manifest itself outwardly, albeit gradually.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

2 N 4:17 Nephi’s Prayer- “O wretched man that I am!  … Nevertheless I know in whom I have trusted.”

Yesterday I did some soul searching after having received some feedback.  I have realized how truly difficult a person I am to live with.  I even congratulated my husband for having endured marriage with me all these years.  In my life-perspective of self-mastery and improvement it is a constant push.  That combined with the natural tendency to focus on the negative makes people feel like they are never good enough because I am always trying to ‘fix’ them or tell them how they need to change.  It is difficult for people to work with me.  In this specific circumstance where I got feedback, I was treating this person as if they were ‘on the team’ when they were not yet.  By that I mean that I was offering her feedback and trying to help her progress toward the common goal, but we did not have a common goal nor did we see eye to eye.

What I have realized in this situation is that until they are ‘on the team’ meaning riveted to Christ, and feel that I love them; until that point I need to build trusting relationships and make deposits through kindness and charity. 

Yesterday I felt changes happening within my mind and heart though I have not bee yet been able to  explain what they were.  One thing was a disillusionment of the saint I sometimes perceive myself to be.  Any saint-likeness is in my own mind and heart- maybe within my intentions or before my Maker.  I know I am trying and doing my best, and that is acceptable to the Lord.  However the reality is my wretchedness as described above.  In some way yesterday I came to accept that; not necessarily as a permanent part of my eternal-self, but at least as part of my natural-self.  So I can now accept the ways I am “ornerier that snot” when I bark at my children or my husband, instead of trying to contort myself into a self-expectation of always being sweet- as my image of who I think I should be.  I think this is an unreasonable expectation.  What is important is that what I say, I say with love; and that does not always mean being sweet.  I can say something loudly and loving- because of who I am – and even with a smile or a bit of humor.  As long as I do not feel anger blame or resentment, then I can accept this as part of myself for now- until the Lord sees fit to change my nature. 

I feel a new peace in this self-acceptance.

7-15-11 “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage”

7-15-11                     “He Did Deliver Me From Bondage”

p. A-11  “To retain guilt for my own sins past the point of contriteness and confession or to continue to resent (much less to be angry with or bitter towards) another for his sins is to be in an ever greater state of  “sin” (separateness from God) than that caused by the original transgression… Filled with fear and anxiety, guilt and shame, we act as if there is a power that is greater to make wrong than Christ is able to make right… “

Wow, I think this exactly diagnoses my psychological pattern of thinking.  Satan is trying to trick me into worshiping him through this fear and disbelief in the One, the only One, who can truly save me, even from myself.  How do I overcome this?  I have been growing slowly along my path to realize His power to save.  On days of doubt I like to listen to “He is Able” by Hilary Weeks, or “that kind of faith”.  It is a slow process, but this is the harvest I am working toward. 

This word, “CONTRITE”, stands out to me today. 

contriteness, n. Deep sorrow and penitence for sin.

Bible Dictonary

D&C 52:15 Wherefore he that prayeth, whose spirit is ^acontrite, the same is ^baccepted of me if he obey mine ^cordinances.

16He that ^aspeaketh, whose spirit is contrite, whose language is meek and ^bedifieth, the same is of God if he obey mine ordinances.

17And again, he that trembleth under my power shall be made ^astrong, and shall bring forth fruits of praise and ^bwisdom, according to the revelations and truths which I have given you.

D&C 56: 14 Behold, thus saith the Lord unto my people—you have many things to do and to repent of; for behold, your ^asins have come up unto me, and are not ^bpardoned, because you seek to ^ccounsel in your own ways.

15And your hearts are not satisfied. And ye obey not the truth, but have ^apleasure in unrighteousness.

16Wo unto you ^arich men, that will not ^bgive your substance to the ^cpoor, for your ^driches will canker your souls; and this shall be your lamentation in the day of visitation, and of judgment, and of indignation: The ^eharvest is past, the summer is ended, and my soul is not saved!

17Wo unto you ^apoor men, whose hearts are not broken, whose spirits are not contrite, and whose bellies are not satisfied, and whose hands are not stayed from laying hold upon other men’s goods, whose eyes are full of ^bgreediness, and who will not ^clabor with your own hands!

18But blessed are the ^apoor who are pure in heart, whose hearts are broken, and whose spirits are ^bcontrite, for they shall see the ^ckingdom of God coming in power and great glory unto their deliverance; for the fatness of the ^dearth shall be theirs.

 D&C 136: 28If thou art ^amerry, ^bpraise the Lord with singing, with music, with ^cdancing, and with a ^dprayer of praise and ^ethanksgiving.

29If thou art ^asorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be ^bjoyful.

31My people must be ^atried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the ^bglory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not ^cbear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.

32Let him that is ^aignorant ^blearn ^cwisdom by ^dhumbling himself and calling upon the Lord his God, that his ^eeyes may be opened that he may see, and his ears opened that he may hear;

33For my ^aSpirit is sent forth into the world to enlighten the ^bhumble and contrite, and to the ^ccondemnation of the ungodly.

p.A-12 “Acknowledge that all salvation [improvement] from any source comes [though anonymously] from Jesus Christ.”

I though about this anonymous way that Christ gives this improvement yesterday.  I never thought about that before.  That was pretty cool to recognize and see.  I see how He gives anonymously so that we can choose to acknowledge Him in all things.  If we choose to do so, we grow close to Him and grow in humility.  If we choose to take glory and credit to ourselves, we grow in pride and further away from Him.  I have seen these results directly and literally in my life.

The Spirit will condemn where God sees fit.  It is MY role to speak words that edify.

Thought from Hilary Weeks  “He is Able” It says, “He raised up His hand to follow God’s command, trusting beyond every doubt.”

 Only God who looks on the heart can truly see if we are trying our best.